Tilted Axis

Chapter:32

    The way he asks that question sends a chill down my spine. It's enough to tell me how serious he is about this. From what I've seen, this man isn't one to make empty threats. My tongue feels like sandpaper. Swallowing hard, I finally speak.

    "Bloody 'ell. You really are serious about this. You would have me kill your men?"

   I can see the muscles in his hands tense quickly as if about to lunge. "Those are not my men. I can name nearly every action those two alone have done. I can name a sin for every single one here." He seethes. "I will shed no tears if they are killed. They smiled with every atrocity they did. They enjoy this."

   "I know you have said they are as bent as they come. But." I stop myself trying to find the words.

   Before the words come to me he's standing and his face hardly a hair's breadth away. His blue eyes locked with mine. "Listen to me. We are in a place where any form of morality or kindness would be wasted. If one of these Nazi bastards comes in your way, you shoot!" He clutches at the red armband. "You shoot them dead. If you want, once you are free, you can shoot me too. But right now, they are our enemy. You need to show dauntless bravery if you want to survive!"

    "I know I'll do what I must!" I retort. "But, how does it weigh on you? Before you said you regretted killing your men. Now you ask me to openly kill them. Hypocritical, don't you think?"

   He steps back and retakes his seat. "No. Those that still live, those that stand outside that door, they are the ones I wish didn't. As I said, the ones I killed were the ones who refused to obey orders of the executions. They wanted no part of killing innocent people. These animals, they took to it like a fish to water. Enjoying every excruciating moment." He clasps his hands together. His eyes focused on them.

   "The only one left who does not relish the idea of killing these people is Kurapika. So I would prefer if he is not killed upon our escape. When I say 'my men' I mean him. He may not seem like it to you, but he is a good man. With us both doing horrible things to keep someone we care about alive."

   He's right. I do have a tough time imagining him as a kind person. He seemed to genuinely enjoy teasing me when I needed water. "I take it he's not coming with us then. Does he know about this plan of yours?"

   Killua shakes his head. "No. I've told him nothing. As he's often been treated as my second, he will likely be interrogated. If he knew anything, it puts him, his loved ones and my own at risk. If there is no evidence left behind, they will be compelled to believe him."

   I take a deep breath and let it out again in a long sigh. "Ok, so you have put thought into this. But what of my comrade?"

   The white haired male grimaces. "No. He will also remain. And before you have a chance to argue, you must realize it would be suspicious if you both escaped. Not only that, but he's wounded. Not fatally, but enough to prevent him from escaping."

   I glare at him. "You want me to just accept this fact? What do you take me for? He's my brother in arms! If I escape and get back to England, I'll be seen as a git for abandoning him!"

   Killua rubs his eyes letting out a sigh. "I don't care what you think. You are going to have to accept it." He digs in his pocket and pulls out a fag case. He takes one out and puts it to his lips before offering one to me.

   I say nothing. I just continue to glare at him. He shrugs and places the case in his pocket again. He lights the one at his lips. The end glowing brightly as he inhaled slowly.

   "Truly, Freecss. If I had the means of getting him out of here as well I would." As he speaks smoke spills from his lips like a slow river. "But we are at war. To survive a war, you need to be strong and cunning. Sacrifices have to be made in places."

   He points the cigarette at me. "You made a sacrifice when you enlisted. You knew that risks would come. And it would either be your life, or the man next to you. You try to act like you have no sense of self preservation, but that's human nature. We all have it. Your willpower has kept you moving. The goals you set to get there. You know this."

   "My self preservation, as you call it, doesn't cover me. It covers my comrades. My country!" I declare boldly. This plan is wrong. No man left behind. This is what I believe.

   He takes another drag on the smoldering fag between his fingers. "Ok. Let me put it like this. You have to get home and I'm giving you the option. Let's say your aunt is in danger and that you have to get back quickly. But you want to aid your injured comrade. You can either leave him to his fate, and make it back in time. Or you can get him the aid he needs, but your aunt will be gone. Where does your preservation fit there?"

   I stare at him shocked. My mouth hanging open as the scenario he has told me swirls in my head. "I...I would..." I try to answer but nothing comes. It conflicts with what I've said, but at the moment I would likely choose my aunt. And he knows that.

   "We all have those we care about, Gon. But when the time comes, some may need to be sacrificed, so that others may live." He drops the fag end and crushes it under his boot. "You are a soldier. But you cannot save and preserve every life." His tone is gentle. Lacking the authority it holds normally. As if he was talking to a friend. "You must pick and choose what is most important in that moment."

   Finally I hang my head. "How do you live like that?" I ask.

   "Who said I was living?" He responds. "I'm simply a mercenary going day by day, doing what I have to. To protect the ones I love, even if it means killing and breaking another family. I'm surviving so that my family can live."

   I turn my head up to him but he's looking away towards one of the windows. "The time will come when I face the actions of what I have done. When it does I will face it with open arms."

  He taps his leg slightly before standing. "I'll be back in a few hours with food and water. That's when we will put this plan in motion. I recommend you get some sleep in those hours. We will fill in the gaps when I get back."

   "Wait. Gaps? You haven't thought this through fully?" I ask, shocked.

   He grins slightly. "Well, I try not to over prepare. Waste of effort. Can't anticipate everything. Besides, if it goes wrong and we both die, I'll simply see my family in hell."

(WC:1248