Is This Okay? (an edwardxjacob fanfic)

Two

"Please kill me. Fucking please. I cant go on, I cant do this without her. She was one of the only people who ever really tried to understand me, to get me. It feels like my heart is alive again, and god I wish it wasnt. I went to the Volturi, they wouldnt do it. I tried making a scene, and they didnt allow it. Aro wouldnt kill me, he desires me. I dont know what else to do. Please Jacob." He looked agonized, wild eyed. If his tear ducts worked, Im sure he would be sobbing right now.
I really did feel bad for this dude. It felt wrong to kill him now, especially after he admitted that. I knew he could hear everything i was thinking, so I didnt even bother with speaking anymore.

i was considering it. figured it would give me some relief, if nothing else. but gotta be honest dude, you asking me to kill you is really a huge turn off.

He chuckled dryly, humorlessly. "So you wont kill me, because I want you to. Youd like me to suffer then, yes?"

I shifted my weight onto my other foot and shrugged.

yeah basically. i can get behind murder, but suicide is crossing the line.

At first i thought he coughed maybe, or laughed. But then I realized he was sobbing. Without tears, of course, but his body was shaking, and he dropped himself even lower, hands and knees and forehead to the ground. If he could cry, im sure the ground would be thankful for the hydration. shut the fuck up jake, he can literally hear you.

Suddenly, he shot up, his expression fine. Well, not fine, but not as upset as it had been. "Fine. You wont do it, so I will. You just have to finish it."

I was about to ask what he meant when he reached down and violently tore off his left leg at the knee, and then at the hip. He was fast, already finishing his legs and starting on his other arm when I finally was able to react.

I launch myself at Edward to stop him from dismantling himself more, wrapping my arms around him and essentially crushing him, not enough to actually do any damage, but enough to where he couldnt move.

"JACOB, GET OFF ME!! I NEED TO DO THIS!! I DESERVE IT!!" He screamed in my ear. I gasped at the pain, I knew my eardrum didnt burst but fuck that hurt.

I vaguely heard a slam as the family rushed out of the house. I figured they would come kill me, assuming I was the aggressor. But to my surprise, the small pixie-ish one, Alistir, wrapped his hands around Edwards and started speaking to him. I didnt catch the words.

Esme, i think her name was, immediately started grabbing Edwards limbs, cradling them like precious babies in her arms.

I was barely aware of a command for me to let go of Edward, from the doctor I assume. I almost didnt want to, afraid that Edward would start ripping limbs off again, but the second I let go the big one was there replacing me. Jesus he was huge, like a bear maybe.

I was fast, I knew that. I could process faster than any human. Me and the vampires were on the same level. But for some reason I was still stuck on the horrifying image of Edward ripping himself apart. I was hardly aware of anything else happening around me, and only when the vamily had taken Edward inside was I finally able to register it.

Its understandable to feel off after witnessing something like that, thats the kind of thing that will traumatize you, haunt you for months afterwards, if not years. But what i couldnt understand is what that other little underlying feeling was.

I dont know why i didnt leave and go back home already. It was so late, hours had passed already, and all i had done was move back into the trees.

I tried to convince myself i was waiting for another opportunity, but as the time passes with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company, i have to come to terms with the fact that i was genuinely worried about the bloodsucker.

Acknowledging that didnt exactly help anything though, more just made me extra upset. I paced anxiously, carving a path in the dirt with my bare feet.
Man, I wish I hadnt forgotten my clothes.

I had just decided to go try and find whatever clothes i could from the various spots around the woods when Esme came out of the house. She was making a determined beeline toward me, but I couldnt sense any malice from her.

She smiled at me warmly as she walked closer. Warmness. From a dead thing. A dead thing that, might I add, was LITERALLY my kinds enemy.

"Jacob, Im so sorry you had to see that. Thank you, for helping him..." she hesitates for a moment before presenting the things she had tucked in her arms. "I know our kinds arent...friendly...but please, take this."

A couple sandwiches and a bundle of clothes. She had tried touching them as little as possible, she said. I imagine her using one of the dinosaur head grabber sticks to put the sandwiches together, spreading the mayo. I didnt think theyd have food obviously, but I guess Bella had spent a lot of time around here before...

It had been another few hours at this point, and I still couldnt drag myself away. I dont know why, but it was like i was rooted to this spot, like gravity didnt want me to accidentally float up and away. I was crouching, but not for the purpose of pouncing. i was crouching and sobbing.

This had been the first time in months that i was really truly alone. I had left my pack a few days before, and none of them had tried to reach me yet. Probably for the better, if they saw me hanging outside the Cullens place like a scolded puppy theyd be...well, lets just say i would never live it down.

Bella was gone, my pack was gone, and i couldnt even speak to my dad about it. He agreed with Sam that I couldnt take this out on the Cullens, that I would be the one to die. Fucking Sam... The wounds were fresh for him, Im sure, how I spit in his face (well, more like growled) that I wasnt going to follow him.

I am the great great grandson of Ephiram Black.

Eventually, I fell asleep. And the dreams were worse than waking.