heartstopper one shots

run away

!!!!kind of spoiler warning for the heartstopper comic!
!!!!general tw !! depression, anxiety, ocd, e*ting d*sorder, s*lf h*rm

"tao is not a bad friend! he's my best friend," charlie protests, standing up off his bed where he and nick were sitting before. "char, i'm not saying that he's a bad friend, he's my friend too, i'm just afraid that some of his comments might get to you," nick says gently. "why? because i'm fragile? because i'm losing it? i can take care of myself, nick," charlie is nearly yelling now, arms spread out in a display of anger. "i never said that, cha-" "you didn't have to say it!" charlie interrupts his boyfriend, "i see the way you look at me! like i'm broken!" "charlie," nick stands up, reaching out, "please, i don't think of you li-" "what's going on?" tori interrupts, standing at the doorway. "what happened?" she sees the state of the two boys, both near tears. "i... we..." nick searches for the words. he doesn't even really know what happened. "maybe you should leave, nick," charlie says, coldly. nick looks at him in surprise, tears welling in his brown eyes. "oh... okay, if that's what you want, char," he quickly gathers his stuff before reaching for his boyfriend's hand. charlie pulls away but looks at nick. he softens slightly, seeing the unshed tears in his eyes before looking away again, harshly. "i love you," nick says softly, slinging his backpack strap over his shoulder. "i..." charlie strangles out as nick looks at him expectantly. instead of finishing his thoughts, he throws himself back onto his bed. "oh," nick says sadly before leaving the room. he hears his heavy steps down the stairs and out the front door.

"are you okay, charlie?" tori takes a tentative step towards her brothers bed. "fuck!" charlie suddenly screams, sitting up. tears are streaming down his face. "fuck fuck fuck, i love him. i love him, tori, i love him so much," charlie cries, reaching for his sister. he collapses into her arms as she sits beside him on the bed, "charlie, i know you do. nick knows you do too. this has been a difficult journey for you and i'm sure nick understands." anger boils up inside him. anger at nick, anger at tori and his parents, anger at the school system and tao, anger at himself. "'journey'? tori, what the fuck do you think this is? wizards of oz or something?" he spits venomously at his sister. she jumps back at her normally timid, sweet brother's sudden harsh tone. "um... charlie, i'm not trying to trivialize your issues?" her tone is more questioning than she originally intended. "i don't need your pity, tori," charlie glares at the wall with a dark stare, "i just want to be alone." "come find me when you're ready to talk," she says, walking out and closing the door behind her. during charlie's inpatient stay, herself and her family were told that charlie needs to want their help. he clearly doesn't want hers now, so she decides to shoot him a quick text. 'please don't hurt yourself. i'm here for you and i love you,' she sighs, sending off the text. she opens a chat with her mum, 'nick and charlie got into an argument. charlie is really bad again, i think.' 'we'll be home soon, please keep an eye on him,' her mum sends back immediately. she decides to sit outside her brother's door until her parents get home.

charlie paces his room, tears streaming uncontrollably down his face. "fuck fuck fuck," he whispers over and over again, pulling at his hair. his phone dings a few times but he ignores it. "what did i do?" he's talking out loud to himself. he sits back onto his bed, trying to calm himself down. he'a gasping for breath, rocking back and forth. he folds into himself as far as his gangly limbs will allow. there are a million thoughts and pictures running through his mind and all of them are bad.

"oh," his mind flashes back to the look on nick's face when he didn't say 'i love you' back. "i love you, i love you, nick," charlie tries to yell back he's choked up. "i never should of dated you," nick's eyes go dark, "you're broken. i only dated you because i felt bad for you. it was pathetic how much you pined over me." "no, no, no, no," charlie repeats, pushing his hands to his ears and falling to the floor. "i've ruined your life," charlie yells, rocking back and forth, "i've ruined your life, i make everything difficult, i would be better off gone, you would be better off without me. my friends, tori, my family..." he rambles on in an endless stream. he hears faint laughter and dares to look up. above him, his family, his friends, his old bullies, ben, his... his nick. they're all standing there laughing and pointing at him. "p-please, please stop," he cries, tossing his arms over his head as it feels like the world his closing in on him.