Shut Up & Listen book FOUR.
"Why doesn't he want to play with me anymore?"
The question this twenty something has had ringing in his head many times before. Whether it be his brother, a friend or a lover-Lonnie James is often left standing alone o...
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<makaveli>
Monday June 6, 2022 After Midnight
𝕷𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊 rested his head on the pillow, but he wasn't resting. He hadn't rested in years. Most of his downtime in the last few years have consisted of overwhelming thoughts that he kept to himself. A lot of it had to do with the parts of himself that he was still discovering.
Makaveli laid on the other end of the bed as he had been doing every night since he got home from prison. He'd been locked up for eight and a half years. One might assume he'd be grateful for the luxury of privacy— something he hadn't had in eons, but he couldn't sleep peacefully in a big room all alone after sharing a room for that long.
It's been quiet in the room for an hour, but neither brother had fallen asleep. Lonnie laid still, staring at the ceiling while Makaveli tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. Lonnie sighed.
"Maki." He broke the long lived silence. "How often do you think about why your life is how it is?"
"Whatchu mean?"
"I mean, do you think about it? Like, it's almost as if we are destined to live in a certain way. Act out certain behaviors and whatnot just because of who we are."
The room fell silent again. The humming of the broken air conditioner kept a steady beat making the moment feel nostalgic for the two. It was as if the two had gone back in time to when Lonnie first moved in with them. He shared a room with Makaveli for the first year and a half. Even after they moved to a bigger house and got their own bedrooms, the two of them spent most nights talking until the early hours of the morning. It was something Lonnie missed. His brother had always been the only person he'd felt he could speak candidly with. Up until he met Cole, he kept all of his thoughts to himself. And once he left Cole, he did the same.
"I don't know about destiny." Makaveli started, "But it was definitely intentional. We grew up being groomed for the business of misbehavior. It come so natural to us though because it is also in our DNA. But, you gotta admit, Black; we did decide ourselves to do the shit we did, whether we knew it or not, we always had a choice."
"I didn't have a choice." Lonnie responded, lowly. He stared out the window at the moon.
"I grew up witchu, even before you was my brother. I been knew you and I looked up to you, bro. Shit, I still do."
"Don't. I haven't done anything good, ever."
"You just so hard on yourself, king. You ain't done nothing I haven't done. Or pops or Jah. Shit, even ma done took niggas out. That don't make you a bad person."
Lonnie laughed at his brother's logic. "I don't know, Maki. I think prison really fucked you up because out here, being a killer is definitely bad."
"But you ain't a killer. You've killed." He reasoned.
