The words I didn't say || poetry

anger

I get angry.
I have random outbursts.
Nothing fully satisfies me.
I take my anger and
my hurt out on the people I love.
I say hurtful words to myself and
the people around me.
I get frustrated easily,
even when it's the smallest inconvenience.
I remember all the things I said to you.
I remember all the hurtful words
and all of my "sorry's."
When I talk to you does my voice still sting you with pain?
Or does it bring back all the late night calls?
You told me what I said hurt you again.
I hurt you again.
Don't you know i'm evil?
Don't you know i'm guilty?
I am every mistake you have pointed me out to be countless of times.
I now question every word that comes out of mouth?
Was that rude?
Did I take that too far?
Did i actually mean any for those "sorry's" I said countless of times?
Did you even hear any of them?
I am every bad word you have said about me.
Bitch.
Rude.
lair.
untrustworthy.
am I?
maybe.
Or am I just a really, really bad friend?
I now sit alone while I watch you with your other friends.
Do they take their anger out on you?
Are they lairs, untrustworthy, or rude?
They aren't, but I still try to convince myself they are so that maybe
I wasn't the worst friend to you.

-L