Dreamchasers

Chapter 14 (2)

It was until late evening that Eleanor came back home. Julianna could hear her heels click-clack down the corridor. She hid behind the turn of the staircase, quietly watching her mom put away her bags by the table, and walk to the kitchen cabinet. Half of the staircase was hidden in the dark; Eleanor only turned on a couple of lights from the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of scotch, dropped a couple of ice cubes, and carried it to the table.

The room became silent again.

"Good evening, mom."

Julianna moved down the staircase a couple of steps more, trying to break the silence. The small, indescribable tension between her and Eleanor was dancing madly on her heartstrings.

"Thank you, Jules." Eleanor swirled her glass and cast a glance at the glittering ice cube, which emerged in golden brown. "What are you doing here late at night?"

"Nothing much. Just rotating between the usual homework and readings." Julianna sat down opposite Eleanor. "There's something I want to ask you, mom."

She looked into Eleanor's eyes with a steady gaze.

"What, honey?"

"Lilian — you and dad loved her very much, right? You cherished her presence a lot, right? I want to know what was she like. I want to hear her story. It was hard for me to bring up this topic after the day I dropped Lilian's photo and ran out of home. At that moment. it didn't occur to me to think about what you felt." Julianna's voice was earnest and formal. "I made a mistake. But I was so lonely. I don't know who I am in this family."

Eleanor lifted her glass and took a small sip. The side silhouette of Eleanor's face seemed to soften a little. Light shades of freckles hid below her sleepy eyes. A spark of light marked the tip of her nose. She slowly put down the glass, walked to the shelf, took out a photo album, and opened up a page.

"This was a photo taken for Lilian's 4th birthday. Cute, right?" Eleanor pointed to the photo on the right.

Julianna carefully examined the photo. Lilian had short, slightly curly brunette hair. She was wearing a puffy purple coat. Half of her face was covered in sunlight. There's something pure about her expressions. Under her bright eyes was a genuine, untainted smile. Julianna didn't remember what she looked like when she was younger. Yet she did remember one thing — she had short brunette hair when she first stepped into the Miller household.

"Lilian was an alert, sensitive child. She was like you: quick to pick up things, whether was the words we taught her, or the books we read to her. She didn't speak up much, but rather, she sat, observed, and wanted everyone to get along. Unfortunately, by the time she reached primary school, she suddenly fell very ill. They said she had half a year to live. She persisted, but still lost the battle after a year." Eleanor's voice broke slightly. "I held her hand as she went to sleep one last time."

"I am so sorry. I didn't know how important Lilian was to you. I don't have much to offer but if there is anything I can do for you, just tell me next time, okay? "

"You don't need to offer me anything." Eleanor pushed her glass towards Julianna. The ice cubes slightly tumbled in the scotch. "For a while, Lilian was all I thought about every night, and I desperately wanted another child again. That's when I met you, Jules. You were quiet, cute, smart, and attentive, just like Lilian. I couldn't help but compare you to Lilian at first; it was a mistake of me to do that. That's why I didn't tell you about Lilian for a long time. You became your own person and the idea of what Lilian could have been drifted further and further away from us. Your dad and I used to imagine so many things for Lilian. We thought of watching her blossom into her sweet sixteen, crying when she gets into her dream school, and walking her down the aisle. But what if nothing of these happens? What if she chooses other directions in life? It occurred If she was still here, all I want for her was good health and happiness. And I want to support you because you were the one actually here for me all those years."

Julianna lifted the glass and took a sip. The taste of the golden brown liquid reminded her of burnt wood on a rainy day. She put her fingers on the rim and watched patches of tiny yellow lights flow freely on the surface of the ice cubes.

"Mom, if you knew that Lilian would leave this early from the start, would you still want her...?"

She stared at Eleanor with a sharp gaze.

"Would you think Lilian is a mistake if her passing eventually brings you this much sadness and loneliness?"

"It's not. I loved her, and she was once here. That was all it matters."

"If that's the case..." Julianna rubbed her fingers against the rim of the glass. "do you think I am a mistake for my birth parents?"

"If that's the case, it will be the best mistake they have ever made. You should go visit them." Eleanor stood up and took the glass with her. "Before you go to sleep, there's also one thing I want to ask you, Jules."

"What's that?" Julianna asked.

"Your dad and I will be taking a vacation by the sea sometime next year. Do you want to come with us? There will be opportunities for you to dive."

"That would be terrific! Would I be able to see life happening under the sea with my own eyes? I've only seen undersea creatures as figures in my textbook yet. However, I might have extracurricular commitments and Olympiad competitions. I don't know if my time is going to be compatible with this yet..."

"Well, you have always been so on top of your life, not letting anything get in the way of your goals, haven't you?" Eleanor smiled. "Science is not about competition, or who outcompetes others on some textbook theories. Science is found in our everyday lives. Maybe it's time for you to take a leap of faith and see what the world has to offer.'