JOURNEY WITH SAF ACADEMY

OUT OF GOLDEN TIME- PART 1

" I am someone who always regrets, because there was never enough time to learn from my mistakes. But, life has only limited number of chances. Everyday seems like a going version of disappointment. Maybe, if another day seems right, I am willing to make more mistakes and learn from them. Although, one cannot spend their life in regret. It is always easy to walk away. It is always easy to move on. Because, you end up with nothing in the end if you live with just regret. Believe that you will get over it, and you will." 

Dilbaaghji was immediately carried to the dispensary. Monami immediately attached him to the monitor. But Kabir did not follow them. He immediately ran to his room and locked it. He was panting. He was still standing with his back on the door. With maybe his back on the world and on himself. 

All the cadets were scared. Monami kept monitoring him for a while. Half hour passed by and Dilbaaghji regained consciousness. But Monami threw everyone out of the room so that he could rest. 
' Achcha hua Monami ne sambhal liya '  Faizi sighed. Karan looked over him. The cadets also finished their dinner and headed back to their rooms. Monami was staying in the dispensary with Dilbaaghji if he needs something. 

Karan was worried for Dilbaaghji and he could not sleep. Dilbaaghji had seen Karan first come to academy for training with Param Bhaiya, show exceptional talent and patriotism and then become a Commando himself. It's like he has been a silent spectator in Karan's journey in the academy. The very thought of something happening to him scared Karan. Because no one can ever be prepared for DEATH. 

Monami came out of the dispensary. Dilbaaghji was now asleep due to medicines. She couldn't finish eating earlier properly. But she just filled herself a glass of water and sat on one of the benches. She was still holding the glass but did not drink water. She had a lot to think for starters. But something in her memory kept striking. Why was Kabir standing still?? She remembered the presentation. The humiliating incident of her falling in front of 200 people!
' Uss time definitely wo Cardiac diseases pe presentation de raha tha. To ab wo psychology kyu padha raha hai? ' she was curious. She takes one sip. 
Karan walked in the dispensary and saw Dilbaaghji was fast asleep. He just switched off the lamp and walks past the mess area. But because he couldn't sleep again, he went on the terrace. 

' I think I should talk to him ' Monami thought and got up to go to Kabir's room. 

She knocked twice and then he opened the door. 

' Monami, tum yaha, iss waqt ' he said while slightly opening the door. He was wearing his specs which meant he was studying. 

' Aapse kuch baat karni hai ' she spoke. 

' Actually room me books pheli hui hai. Mess me chale? ' he said while coming out of his room and locking the door. 
They walked together in the canteen. Monami sits on one of the benches and Kabir sits in front of her. 

' I remember ' she just said those two words but Kabir's expression changed instantly. 

' Mai aapse ghooma phira ke nahi puchungi. Aapne Dilbaaghji ko treat kyu nahi kiya? ' a simple straightforward question. 

Kabir was silent. He had the answer but not the will to say it. 

Monami patiently waited. She knew no doctor would do something like this if not for a strong reason. Kabir could have easily diagnosed Dilbaaghji, but he did not take any action and that's what bothered her. 
' As a doctor puch rahi hoo ' she continued while looking at him. But Kabir did not look straight in her eyes. Guilt? Shame? Regret?
' Mai psychology ka professor hoo. Cardiac Surgeon nahi ' he said and got up but Monami immediately held his hand. 
' Aap ab psychology ke professor hai. Par aap pehle Cardiac Surgeon the ' she said, still holding his hand. Kabir felt overwhelmed.  A profession that was once his identity is now a black mark. He jerks his hand away and says, 
' Insaan ko wahi karna chahiye jiske liye wo bana hai warna hamari galti ki punishment kisi aur ko bhugatni padti hai ' in a strict but somewhat sad tone and walked away. Monami sighed because she somewhat got an idea of what must have happened. 
Table death? A mistake in surgery? 
She sat again, going back to her days when she was an intern at the hospital. 

Monami's POV: Doctor banne ke liye jitni zaroorat achche marks ki hoti hai utni hi zaroorat practical skills ki bhi hoti hai. Resident ship ke pehle hi din hume bodies ko dissect karna sikhaya jaata hai. Ye bodies un patients ki hoti hai jinhone marne se pehle apni body donate kar di ho. Par haath me scalpel uthaane se pehle, dead patient ki respect me 2 min ki shaanti rakhi jaati hai. Koi bhi insaan mentally dead bodies ko dissect karne ke liye ready nahi hota. Isiliye har koi Doctor nahi hota. Hum interns ko alag alag departments me experience gather karna hota tha. Neurosurgery, cardiac surgery, pediatrics, orthopedics and emergency department. Isme se sabse zyaada mushkil emergency department hota hai. Kyuki yaha pe appointment ki zaroorat nahi hoti. Every minute koi naya patient kisi nayi bimari ke saath aata hai. Kuch serious cases bhi hote hai, jinhe bachaya nahi jaa pata. Par hum sirf unki family ko ye bad news de paate hai. Unka dard nahi baat sakte. Kyuki patients hi itne saare hote hai. Yaha khushi ya gum doctors ke liye nahi hota. Unke liye sirf unki duty hoti hai. Aur aksar iss duty me hume logo ko marte hue dekhna padta hai. Huhh. Jab maine pehli baar ek patient ko on the spot marte hue dekha tha tab 2 min ke liye mai blank ho gayi thi. Sirf uski maa ki chikhne ki awaaz aa rahi thi. Tab realise hua ki Doctors kitni bhi koshish kar le , kuch patients ko bachaya nahi jaa sakta. Hum sirf ' I'm Sorry' kehke doosre patient ki taraf badh jaate hai. Kyuki yahi karna sahi hota hai. Kisi ki maut ke saath kisi ki ummeed bhi mar jaati hai. Par Doctors give up nahi kar sakte hai. Wo kehte hai na, ' Once a doctor, always a doctor '. 

She got up from the bench again and went to sit in the dispensary.