Iris

25 | secrets

     THE TEMPERATURE in Roman's room had dropped in comparison to the last time I had come here, for even as I pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over my hands to warm them up, they wouldn't stop shaking.

There was a pit in my stomach, and it grew wider and wider with every tick of the clock. The faint voice at the back of my mind that had been tormenting me for the past ten minutes or so was growing louder and sharper, its noise piercing my ears and my mind both at once, swallowing all my thoughts into its depths and taking control over them.

My heart was hammering against my chest in a discomforting manner, my right leg bouncing up and down as I picked on the dead skin surrounding my nail. I winced when I tugged too harshly at my skin and noticed that I'd drawn blood. I wiped the crimson off with the pad of my thumb and sighed, just as my oldest brother made it to his room.

He didn't say anything once he noticed my presence. He rather walked over to me and let his body drop onto the bed by my side, his hands interlocking atop his lap. I continued to pick on my skin, his words from a few hours earlier replaying at the back of my mind like a broken record.

"Elliott spoke to me about the other day," he'd said. "He showed me the paper as well. We need to talk about that when Noor leaves."

"Stop doing that." Roman's hand grasped mine, his words dragging my mind back to reality as he interlocked his fingers with mine and turned to me, his eyebrows furrowed. "You're hurting yourself."

"I'm sorry," I murmured under my breath, burying my other hand under my thigh to stop myself from picking on my skin again. "I didn't mean to."

Roman's frown only deepened. "You don't have to apologize, Ree," he spoke. His voice was firm yet soft, coated with a blend of both authority and concern, both prominent and strong. When his gaze dropped to our hands, he sighed. "Is that something you do when you're anxious?"

My shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. I had to clear my throat to find my voice again. "It helps me stay distracted." My voice was quiet and shaky.

I sensed my oldest brother's gaze on the side of my head as he studied me. His voice had grown quieter when he spoke, hesitation taking over it. "Is there anything scaring you now?"

"No." The lie slipped past my lips before I could stop it from doing so, listening to the small part of me that wanted to pretend: pretend that I was alright, that nothing was scaring me, and that I had moved on. The part that didn't want to burden others with my problems. The other part of me, though, was a more selfish one. It cared for my well-being and forced me to clear my throat and continue speaking. "I mean, yes. Not really. You said that you wanna talk to me about the accident, and I just... I'm a little scared."

Roman nodded, a look of understanding crossing his face. "There's nothing wrong with being scared." His thumb brushed over the back of my hand in comforting circles. "That's absolutely okay. What you went through was traumatic, Iris. It impacted you both physically and mentally, so it's okay to be scared. It's okay to want more time to talk about it."