When I was 9 I had a crush on this girl. She was my best friend, and then we were more than that. I moved across the country, we went long distance.
"Hey, (deadname)? Can we keep this quiet? My parents don't like people like us... Neither do school."
Two years later I realised I wasn't a girl. I told her.
"I don't date trannies."
I blocked her.
Strangers to friends to lovers to strangers with memories.
April 8th, 2022, my best friend A confessed his feelings for me. I confessed to him. We're dating. He's my boyfriend.
"Hey, (Name)? Can we not mention this to the others? My class are pricks."
Deja vu.
But it's different, he's different, he has to be.
But what if it isn't?
What if I tell him or show him something he doesn't like?
What if he leaves, just like she did?
Except this time it's worse-
Because I'll sit by my friends, catching his gaze and feeling painful.
I'll run into him in the corridors and his wonderful smile will falter, my own gloom just sinking further down into a spiral.
Eventually, he'll leave the school. Even if he still loves me, I'll still have a year of 15 in that bigoted shithole,
While he saunters off to college, newly 16.
But it's different -
He accepts me for who I am. He's a he. He's a year older. We live in a different city than I did with her. He's honest. I can see him every day. He has blue eyes while hers are brown, his hair is dark auburn while hers is chestnut, he plays console while she's a PC purist.
But what if it isn't?
What if "keeping it to ourselves" is just the same as "keeping it quiet", figuratively speaking.
What if he's like her?
What if he leaves?
Why do I think like this..?
- Error
