Rendezvous

sixty-one | lights out

Part I/I - Lights Out

October 27 | my office

10:46 a.m.

"Miss Humes Lana's here to see you," Cleo says through the intercom.

of course she is

"Don't let her in, I'm busy," I click the button and speak.

After a few moments, I heard a knock on my door causing me to rest my head on my hand with a sigh as soon as she walked in.

"Jesus," I sigh as I subconsciously curl my hand up into a fist suddenly feeling anxious and angry.

"You've been avoiding me since last week. Please just hear me out... I just want to apologize, I promise," she says softly as she stood by the door still. "Can I come in?"

"No, you can't!" I say trying to keep my voice down. "This isn't the place nor the time for your meaningless fucking apologies. I don't want them. Please get out."

Lana stood there looking at me in distress as I was fueled with anger, my nail digging deep into my palms forming red crescents.

"Go tell her you're fucking over me," she says interrupting me and causing my eyebrows to furrow. "Get the fuck up, Alina. Let her know you're ready to be with her."

"Lana—" I start.

"I fucked up," Lana says with a hurtful laugh. "I don't know why I said what I said but I regret it. Not because you wouldn't speak to me but because I want you to be happy. She makes you happy, Alina. I saw how you looked at her."

"You want me to be happy with you, Lana," I say in acknowledgment. "You don't mean the words you say. You've been lying to me."

"I thought that too," she says in defeat.

"You know what she told me?" I say feeling my throat constrict, remembering the night.

two days ago...

"I like you a lot," she says with a nervous laugh. "But I don't think I can be with someone who's in— still in love with someone else."

"Stell, it's not like that, I c—" I say.

"Don't tell me it's not like that, Alina. I saw it. She just... pointed it out," she says with hurt evident in her voice. "We went on a trial run and it didn't work out—"

"But I want to be with you," I say feeling myself grow vulnerable.

"I know," she says as I see her light eyes glisten. "But your heart doesn't."

I look away as a tear rolls down the corner of my eyes before she speaks up once more, "I don't know what you're doing with me. Your heart pumps for her," she says with a hurtful small laugh as she quickly wipes away a lone tear.

"I'm so sorry," I say my heart aching not because she was breaking up with me but because I've been ignoring all the signs that led to Lana and wasting her time in the process.

I reach for her hands but she slowly pulls it away with an apologetic smile.

"Don't be," she says. "It was fun while it lasted. You have a lot to figure out and I really hope everything works out for you, Alina."

I stood there not knowing what to say as she moved past me before I turn around with her back to me, "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," she says forcing out a smile as she turned around her hurtful eyes stabbing at my heart. "Bye, Alina."

present day...

"She told me that I'm not over you," I say with a hurtful laugh as I felt myself exposed, that others can pinpoint my feelings better than I can. "So don't tell me to go work things out with her because it's over. I wasted her fucking time so I hope you're happy."