Turning Pages- Carina DeLuca

Livin' On A Prayer

Maya held the pamphlet between her fingers as she stared out the window. No one saw this coming. The worst part was that it hadn't even happened on the job. Although she wished she could've said she was surprised, that would've been a lie.

"Hey, are you all right?" Jack asked as he slowly came into the office. "I know today has been tough." Never turning away from the window, Maya sighed softly.

"It's just hard to understand how we couldn't see it. Was he just really good at hiding or did we all just turn a blind eye to it?" Maya asked aloud as she sat the pamphlet on her desk.

"Maya, we can't blame ourselves. He made his own decision." Jack pointed out. Despite the sadness of the situation, he didn't think anyone was at fault.

"He had a disease." Maya snapped. "Yes, it might've been his decision, but he couldn't resist. We all should've paid more attention." There was a pause before she spoke again. "How's Andy doing?"

"Despite everything, she's holding on. She's not really talking to anyone, but I guess that's just how she is." Jack shrugged. Maya nodded, wishing this hadn't had to happen.

Flashback...

"Ready to go?" Maya asked as she stood in the doorway of the bedroom. Carina turned around as she pulled down the bottom of her dress. She wasn't looking forward to this. No one was.

"The last time I wore it, it fit perfectly." Carina sighed, frustrated as she struggled with her dress once more. "I'm ready." The two stared at each other for a moment before Maya nodded and turned away as she headed for the door. The drive was silent as nothing needed to be said.

Everyone was in a state of shock. The service seemed to be a blur. Station Nineteen served as pallbearers as everyone watched in deafening silence. Why did this have to happen? Didn't anyone see it coming? They all took the blame in their own ways.

Everyone was concerned after Sullivan didn't show up to work without even sending a text to let them know he wouldn't be coming in. It was unlike him, and that was the reason Vic went to check on him during her lunch break. She couldn't be prepared for what she would discover. She unlocked the front door and let herself in, calling his name but receiving no response. She checked rooms one by one, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Eventually, she found him, still with a needle in his arm, in bed, indicating that he had overdosed. Even though she knew he had passed the point of no return, she attempted to administer life-saving measures. But it was too late.

As the news got back to the station, it left most of them in a state of shock. They had thought he had given that life up long ago. They all wondered if they had simply missed the signs.

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"Addiction is a disease, Jack, and he may have been an egotistical, hypocritical, hot headed asshole but it's our duty to check in with each other. I'm not sure if he was doing this on the job or not, but it doesn't matter. In every situation, we have each other's back no matter what, but we failed to have our brother's back." Maya whispered.

Jack was unsure of how to respond. He didn't think Maya should've been beating herself up over it. "Maya, we can't save everyone. Sullivan was just..." he trailed off. "He was too far gone."

Maya laughed softly as she nodded, then cleared her throat. "I just wish it hadn't been the case. Our team saves lives every day. We bring them back from the brink of death and witness miracles." There was a pause. "I just wish we had been able to save him. We could've seen how bad his pain must have been to return to that." She whispered, referring to the drugs.

Meanwhile, Carina was working out on the treadmill as Andy lifted weights next to her. "I was married to him at one time. A part of me is sad about his death, but a part of me is also relieved." Andy said.