Lilly-Anne's Roses

Chapter 2 - Denial

I woke up to the sound of cars rushing to get to work. My eyelids fluttered open; it took a minute before I noticed that I had fallen asleep on the stone bench outside my house. My head lay at an angle against the armrest and when I tried to move a pain surged through my neck.

The dark grey patch left behind on the light stone left evidence of where I had been, mouth open and asleep. I could tell that I had a large mark on my face from where I had placed my cheek. I felt unwell, tired, and confused. I reached for my hair and a leaf fell out, probably from the tree above. I laughed quietly as I pictured what I must look like in this moment. Like a wreck no less.

I stretched my arms over my head, leaning my head carefully from side to side, ignoring the pain each time. I slowly stood, my knees cracking under the sudden pressure. I only had one thought in my mind: Coffee.

I stumbled forward before gathering my balance and made my way back inside without glancing towards the roses. It must have been a bad dream, I tried to tell myself, as I pass by the cut rose still lying on the ground. It was no longer as blue as before, as if the life that once lived within it had managed to escape into the atmosphere.

With a pot brewing, I took the time to brush through my curls before wrapping them up above my head. I touched the top which I could have sworn my mother had kissed in my dreams. I let my clothes fall to the ground and I climbed into the shower, letting the hot water hit my fatigued skin.

I stood there for what felt like forever until I heard the familiar beeping of the coffee machine. I sighed, unwilling to leave the shelter of the warmth, but I needed to move forward with my day. I hadn't even checked the time, although it almost felt nice that I wasn't aware of what time it was. I was enjoying my time for me.

I sat back outside, cup in hand, wrapped in my blue bathrobe and took a moment to appreciate the sounds of robins in the branches above. One peered down, curious, as another lightly tapped it with its beak, before they both flew off.

Then suddenly, I remembered last night.

I remembered it so vividly that it must have been real. The roses, the smell of vanilla, the feel of her hands on mine. A wave of emotion crashes into me as I place my cup onto the edge of the bench. My eyes meet the clouds in the sky as I blink away the tears, "Am I going crazy?"

I leave my coffee behind as I rush inside to get changed. I needed to get some answers, and there was only one person who might be able to help.

***

Miss B was talking with a customer when I walked into the flower shop. I had opted for grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt because I couldn't bring myself to take the time to be presentable on the outside when all I felt on the inside was grey.

She looked up from the catalogue she was showing, and her expression changed from joy to concern. She could see right through me, I never had to say anything for her to know what I needed, ever since I was a little girl. She excused herself and made her way around the yellow checkered countertop, leaning against the side to relieve the weight on her arthritic ankles.

She opened her arms for me and I accepted, falling once more into the embrace of a mother figure. She cradled me as I sobbed silently, speaking softly as she brushed my hair out of my face. "What happened Miss Lilly-Anne?"

"My mother happened."

"I see," she says, going back around the counter to let her customer know she will be busy for a while, and to come back in the afternoon.

So, it was still morning then.

"Come here child," she brought me to the back which led to her kitchen. Miss B's store was at the front of her house, she always imagined it would make waking up for work easier. I sat down on a wooden chair, and she started heating up some water on the stove.