SOREN; The click I wish I missed

Chapter 1; The Beginning

I was asleep at this time, my depression was at an all-time high and my energy was at an all-time low. The spam of DM's didn't wake me up but rather a call, it was Soren. I narrowed my eyes at it before I picked up and answered the call with a tired, stuffy nose.

"Lois, The server got nuked" He immediately said, I can tell there was a panic in his voice. My heart dropped when I heard his server got nuked over the VC, I was shaking slightly before I looked over to the server before it got deleted. gg/Fazo, I joined the server of course to see there was a stage going on at that moment. I didn't mention it to him, god I wish I did so I could've gotten myself out of that call.

"I am so sorry to hear, you know I'll always be here for you no matter what," I said with a slight supportive tone to my voice. He was quite an amazing person, and someone I looked up to, but truthfully what I found Unique is that we looked up to each other at the same time. He liked my comedy, I liked his fight nights, it was something that was hand-in-hand.

"I'm so glad I called you, you're an amazing person and an amazing friend." He said, I knew he was right. I mean, from what I've heard from others. "You're so kind, trustworthy, and honestly... I'm happy you keep me around. You will keep me around after this situation, right?"

"Of course," I stated. I wish I never said that. This was the line that made me fall down the pipeline of suffering and stigma against me. "You'll always have my back."

"Thank you, I'm making a new server so if you want to join it I'll send you the link." He said He was weirdly way calmer now. I wish I could've seen the red flags from the beginning, I truly wish I could have. 

"Of course, I'd love to!" I was enthusiastic. He was quite the manipulator, I should've listened to Taneeka and Teki. I should've seen both sides before picking one. I should've never allowed him to take advantage of my vulnerable side.

I joined his server, of course. I considered him as a friend and truthfully I regret ever doing so. I, of course, kept switching sides but Soren always had a way of Manipulating me back to his side of the entire drama. I needed a break, I needed to hit the hammer to the nail and broke the friendship up right then and there. He switches like a light switch, flickering as if the light bulb was going out but in reality, it was his fingers moving it on and off repeatedly. The feeling of desperation and accomplishments in the Fight Night community for me was over, he put me as his spotlight 'pet' as they said. The truth is that all the pressure that was being put on top of him was slowly turning to me, I was the sink filling all the dishes he used. I was the punch line of his jokes.

I was considered a spy for Soren at some point, glad that no one found out about it at the time. I even put my fingers on the keyboard, revealing this information is considered dangerous for the reputation in the fight night community. I was forced into a corner from others, the feeling of being forced into something through manipulation was something that I will never forget. The internet is something that connects others to those with common interests and hobbies, once that connection is broken it is no longer an internet issue but a perceived issue from spectators around you. I was pushed into that corner, beaten like eggs in pancake batter in those moments. Hell, me even thinking about it now reminds me of my time in middle school which is for a different time. 

My vulnerability to those who are having issues with mental health is something people use on me almost daily now. It twists my stomach from stress and makes me think of the times I had. The issues I had. The battle that I'm still fighting and winning. It made me go back on an anti-depressant I was clean of for years now. The multiple calls from him crying to me, saying he was going to kill himself, saying he was going to cut his wrists open were nights of terror that I wish to forget. The photos he has sent to me were something I will never forget, It's burnt into my mind. The fresh cuts, the blood going down his arms and legs from those cuts. He kept sending me back to times that are unforgettable. Everything he has done is unforgivable and it hurts me that he used me.

But, of course, I kept thinking that it was something that he would do normally. During that time, he forced me to not go to school for weeks. Which resulted in me almost getting kicked out of that school. I was unsafe around him. And I am glad I stopped talking to him. The ink that hits the paper as we speak is something that won't be lifted, just like the negative effects he has put on me. I am still taking the anti-depressant. I can't control myself from others sometimes, he used this to his advantage in this shitty rigged game of chess. I was a pond and he was the king. Thankfully, and fortunately, the tables have turned.

Mental health is something important to those, but once it's used as a weapon I no longer respect you. I don't allow others to use me like I'm a controller, I use the users and make them my bitches. This is all because of him.  I go by the name of Lois Griffin, I am a victim of Soren's, and this book is my story of him and his victimization.