Find My Way

No Body to Mourn

Yelena picked a small alcove tucked away in a forest along the Southern border of Ohio. The air was hot and humid for October, making the strap of her sling rub against her sweaty skin. There were small annoying bugs fluttering in the air, getting close to her sweaty skin and landing to lick the salt from her. She had to shake them off, only for them to land a few seconds later, thirsty for the sodium she provided. 

She stood beside Yelena in a pair of blue jeans and a black tank top. Ohio didn't allow for anything more. Even the jeans were too much, but she didn't think shorts were appropriate for a funeral. 

The gravestone sat in the middle of the clearing. She and Yelena spent the entire day clearing the weeds and saplings until there was a vast space all around it. The stone was a typical rectangle with a rounded top. The border was a dark gray granite while the inside was a few shades lighter. It read Natasha Romanoff with no date of birth or date of death- since they didn't necessarily know either of them. Under it, at the very bottom was Daughter- Sister- Avenger. 

She wished for something grander. For words that could hold onto the legacy that Natasha created, but she didn't think the words existed. There was no string of 26 letters that could accurately depict all that Natasha stood for, fought for, and died for. 

Eliza kneeled down in front of the freshly placed stone and set a single white rose at the base. "You cleared your ledger, Natalia. There is no more blood on your hands." She leaned forward to kiss the top of the grave. She paused and closed her eyes as she thought of Natasha- with her fierce red hair and plump lips tilted into a lopsided smile. There was lethal humor to her eyes and a witty remark weaponized on the tip of her tongue. Eliza could hear the hum of her raspy voice in the fluttering wind. As her hair moved over her shoulders she caught the scent of the oils Natasha gave her so long ago to help with scarring. Now all they made her think of was... Natasha. 

She pulled away and rubbed the granite where she placed her kiss. "My life is entirely my own because of you. I will live every day remembering what you have done for me." She lowered her hand to trace the engraved letters making up her name. "Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for giving me a second chance." Her chin wobbled as she finished tracing the name. "I love you entirely too much to let you go. I will keep loving you, but at the end of my own life I fear it still won't be enough time for us." Her hand fell to her lap. She bowed her head and let out a breath. Tears welled in her eyes and slipped down her rosy cheeks. 

Yelena kneeled carefully beside her. She grabbed Eliza's hand and linked their fingers together. She dug a cassette tape from her pocket and placed it down beside the rose. It held a single song on it- American Pie by Don McLean. Yelena put her hand on top of the stone, then rested her forehead on her hand. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, with her exhale she whistled a familiar tune- the same tune she and Natasha whistled to one another after they took down The Red Room. 

Eliza waited a moment, hearing the wind and willing herself to believe that Natasha would somehow answer. But no one did. It was just them and the wind through the trees. With no one else, Eliza licked her lips and finished the tune, whistling a low octave as she gave Natasha's reply. It came out shaky from a lack of practice, but it made Yelena squeeze her hand. She squeezed and leaned into the stone and cried over their dead sister. 

Eliza sat by her side and held her hand. More tears crept up on her and fell hotly down her warm cheeks. They collected on her chin before dripping down onto her tank top. She made no effort to stop the tears or wipe them away. She knew there was no point when she would just cry more. 

Yelena ripped her head up and looked at the blue sky above them. "She deserves more than this," she cried into the open air. She stood and pulled her hand roughly from Eliza as she looked down at the stone as it laid over a clump of grass. "There is no body to mourn for. Why place a stone without a body?"