Find My Way

New Tides

The park was full of children laughing and running away from one another. There was one child who seemed to be it that had to try and tag the others to get them to join his team. So far, he was doing horrendously as he kept tripping over his untied shoes.

Eliza watched them still, feeling nothing as they laughed and played.

MJ walked beside her, so close that their hands brushed with every step. "Fresh air is good," she told her in the same way a mother told their child to eat their vegetables. "You go straight back to your condo after school and hole up there until the next day. You need sunshine and fresh air and... to breathe."

Eliza frowned and moved toward a bench. "I'm too tired to... breathe," she admitted as she sat down.

"You can't be too tired to breathe," MJ told her softly. She sat next to her, close enough that their thighs touched. "I need you to breathe again, Eliza. This... version of you isn't- I don't know her."

Eliza squinted against the hot sun as she looked over at her best friend. MJ looked exactly the same as she did before the snap. Everyone looked exactly the same- all except for her. "I don't know her either," she said lowly. "Before the snap, when Natasha went on the run, I told Tony that-that I didn't know who I was without Natasha." She looked away from her friend and instead watched the wind breeze through the treetops. The lush green leaves rustled and played a tune on the birds could hear. "Natasha found me when I was at the Academy. She was the one who showed me salvation. She granted me a second chance to be-be something other than a Black Widow." Her eyes fluttered as she placed the title back on herself. It was like taking out a coat she hadn't worn for a few winters. It was a little tight, but still fit. "She and Tony taught me how to be a hero. They gave me a compass and taught me to tread water. Without them... I have no compass. I have no way of knowing which way is up."

"You don't need anyone to tell you that."

Eliza snapped over to look at MJ. "It's easy for you to say that," Eliza argued unkindly. She realized her tone as MJ's eyebrows rose. "I just mean-" she tried to adjust it to a softer voice. She licked her lips and looked down at her lap instead. "You grew up in a family that loved you and dropped you off at school and... let you be a child. You know normal morals of right and wrong because your parents taught you and society filled in the gaps. I... didn't get those lessons growing up. Right and wrong are blurred to me."

"But you've learned since then."

She nodded as she agreed. "To a point, I have. But-" she sighed and looked up at the sky. "When I'm out with- with Spider-Man and we're fighting someone, there's some times when he has to tell me to stop because I-I wouldn't have otherwise." She swallowed as she realized what she was saying. "I might know the difference between good and bad, but it still blurs to me. And each time I'm sent off to war... they blur even more. I come back and it's like-like everything they taught me fizzled away. Except now, they aren't here to reteach me." She lifted her shoulders pathetically. "They aren't here, so... who will tell me which way is up?"

"I will."

She looked over at MJ who offered a small, gentle smile. "You're right, I haven't experienced any of the stuff that you have. I know societal norms and standards and stereotypes, which means I'm the best teacher of what is morally acceptable. Whenever the lines are starting to blur for you... come talk to me and I'll set you straight."

Eliza lifted her eyebrows. "You'd- you'd do that?"

MJ shrugged as though it was the simplest thing in the world to agree to. "You're my best friend who just so happens to have a shady past of assassin-y business. If I occasionally have to tell you that murder is bad... well, I think I can handle that."