Todoroki's Diary | Empty

14

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions such as self-harm or suicide.

A classmate I hardly know asked me if I was feeling all right. She said I looked down. It took me a second to register that she was talking to me.

I said I was fine. But I wanted to cover my ears and escape from reality.

She said my eyes are pretty with a smile on her face. I didn't know what to say.

But why would you tell a stranger anything but something along the lines of being fine? You don't know them. How can you trust someone blindly like that in the first place?

But I've never been complimented like that before. It makes me feel both empty and warm. My eyes aren't pretty at all, but knowing that she thinks they're pretty...

It's not because I like her. I don't often get genuine compliments. They're always something generic and snarky that I overhear from some conversation that I'm not a part of. "Of course the son of Endeavor's super athletic."

I don't like when people say I look down, sad, or depressed. I'm not. I don't want to draw attention to myself, either.

I just want to be left alone and forgotten so no one will care when I die.

I don't want a reason to live. I don't want that at all.

All I'm good for is being selfish and useless in all I do.

Something like that doesn't deserve to alive.

But I'm too pathetic to kill myself because I'm too afraid of using the methods I have access to.

I want to cut myself until I bleed out. I want to get a noose and hang myself. I want to fall onto the train tracks before a train.

But even my body mocks me and hates me.

No matter how much I want to die, my body refuses to let me do something like that to it. I cut it and beat it and tear away at it, but its will to survive is unscathed.

It makes me want to die, but it refuses to let me die after making me think about nothing but killing myself all day every day.

It hurts so much.