Todoroki's Diary | Empty

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This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions such as self-harm, suicide, violence, or murder.

Things could not have gone more wrong. I couldn't die in time before Fuyumi came to check on me in the morning, and it was painful and sickening. I don't remember what happened after she laid me in the back of her car. All I remember is waking up to blinding, nauseating white lights.

I felt so groggy and out of it.

I had to stay in the hospital for a month under suicide watch while they treated my injuries and made sure I was in a stable condition.

Endeavor said I'm the most pathetic excuse for a life because I wanted to throw my life away.

I want to kill him. I want him out of my life. No matter how much I ignore him, he keeps coming back. Like an itch that won't go away. An undying roach that always returns and multiplies. A film of dust covering a knickknack.

Fuyumi cried when she saw me for the first time after I woke up. She kept saying how she loves me and how broken she would be without me. I just don't believe her. It can't be true.

I told Iida and Yaoyorozu I was attacked from behind by a villain and put in the hospital for a month.

I've also been put on antidepressants, but I'm not going to take them. I don't want them.

Fuyumi also knows I've been cutting. I don't think Endeavor knows, though. I've cut almost everywhere on my body. They wanted me to start therapy, and Fuyumi wants me to as well, but Endeavor refused. That is the one thing I can agree with him on.

But I was surprised that Iida's feelings for me hadn't wavered in the month I'd been gone. I thought he'd have surely moved on, but I guess he still likes me.

If I told him I want to be female, would his views on me change? Surely, they'd change if he knew I attempted suicide.

If surviving is a sign that the world doesn't want me to die yet...what is my purpose, and why am I like this?