hatred ~ love | seokchan instagram ff

breakdown

/CHAN/ A LITTLE ANGST WARNING ⚠️

I was so upset. I started crying and throwing some massive tantrums. I was literally in my mental breakdown. I took all the things Ailee has given me and burn them all out.

"WHY WOULD YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS?!"
I sobbed.

I was too upset that the first thing on my mind was suicide. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 12. That was why when I get too stressed out or sad, I started getting into fights and almost killing myself.

I couldn't control myself. I just wanted to die and jump out the window. I kept looking at the window. My brain says yes but my heart says no. I controlled myself not to look at anything.

The breakdown was so bad.

"someone please help me"
I cried loudly.

My mom wasn't at home. She had her night shift. So there was no one at home except for me. I am an only child. My father passed away due to lung cancer when I was 6.

My body was trembling and shaking. I reached to my phone and called mingyu.

"m-mingyu! ccc-come over...please...i can't anymore! pppp-please save me!"
I was crying so bad, stuttering over my words.

"chan! please don't do anything! I'm coming!! I'll be there! Stay there. Breathe!"

'Save me' was a code word between mingyu and I. This wasn't the first time it happen. Mingyu was quite used to the call so he understands it a lot. Mingyu gave me that code word so he could understand me when I call him if I had any panic attack or whatsoever.

Mingyu went into my home. He barged into my room and started hugging me.

"Chan, I am here. Mingyu is here. It is alright. You are going to be fine."

He hugged me and rubbed my head. He was so worried.

"m-mingyu! she never loves me anymore! I hate myself!"

"you have never done anything wrong, channie. you were never wrong."

He calms me down.

I felt very calm. I got so tired that I went to bed. I am happy to have mingyu as my best friend. He really is the best.