tender heart

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i will have my fun while you have yours, i will act like i don't want to fall in love.

i will act like indulging in you is a slow dip in shallow water, like easing into nothing. i will act as if it is not cannonballing into concrete with a smile.

you're thankful you trust me, but i'm sorry i hold it back like it's limited. when– and not if– you break it, i will act like you were a rebound, a placeholder, a friend, a lover who was never mine, and a lover i never loved.

i will act like i'm in love with you. i will act like i miss you. i will act like i would die for you, beg for you, brave the world for you. and you can act like you would do the same for me too, even if we know nobody watches the director's cut.

oh but darling, it's so hard pretending to act like i know what i am doing, but i must act like i know how to act if i want to have my fun before i fall.