tender heart

2pm will always sneak up on you.

(there are no definite durations between each stage.)

stage one.
- you open your eyes and you're looking at the darkest sky. it's six in the morning and your alarm screams at you to wake up. you're excited for your first day of school. a new start always brings along a better ending, right? you aren't tall enough to look out the windows yet, so you try standing in the car and almost topple over. almost there, your dad tells you. you meet your new friends arianna and kai but have to say goodbye to them, and you think they're another pair of playmates you don't see after two or three days. you see your parents waiting for you at the gate at 2pm and you've never been happier.

stage two.
- you can't sleep. it's almost 10pm–what are you going to do when your eyes cast shadows under them tomorrow? your heart is filled with adrenaline as you force yourself to get some shut-eye. before your alarm clock rings, you're already ready to hit the button down. you want to wolf down your breakfast toast, but your mother warns you not to or you'll get a tummy ache. so you gulp down your hot milo and almost burn your entire digestive system, but you're too excited to care. you smile like crazy when you see your friends from the past years waiting for you beside a seat they saved. 2pm comes way too quick, you wish your friends could come home with you. 2pm–that's when you have to go home and leave arianna and kai and... everyone else in your huge social circle. 2pm always comes too fast.

stage three.
- the alarm from six years ago broke so you're greeted with your mum's groggy face. wake up. you'll be late. you nod and get up reluctantly, throat dry and hair a nest. you're tall enough now to see the double rainbow that pops up during the damp sunrise. you pray it's a good omen for today. it was–because your friends are back for another few years. you don't talk to anyone except for arianna and kai anymore, and you're perfectly fine with that. you finally got a new water bottle and this time, it's tupperware–the brand every kid owns. and your pencil case is converse now. nobody really admires it, but when your classmate has the same one it's like a secret sign that you think on the same wavelength. like you're inviting a chat from them. 2pm rolls around just when you think it'll never end and you're actually happy enough to say bye to the teacher.

stage four.
- no double rainbow this year. just a heavy thunderstorm that makes you want to fall back into bed. but you know yourself too well–fat chance that you'll wake up if you sleep again. so you get up and eat your cereal. you can't eat more than half a bowl though. breakfast in the right amount makes you nauseous. you haven't taken a sip of milo for breakfast in years solely because of this reason too. are you sure you're full? your mum asks. you answer yes so she doesn't worry. you see alisha (your new friend from brunei!) and say hi, but she's too sleepy to respond so you brush it off. your teacher walks in and tells you how many months you've got left until you're a part of the economic crisis that's ongoing forever; the economy being itself, and you being the crisis. you pray for 2pm to arrive quick, but it always catches you by surprise. always one step ahead. you walk with alisha and kai to your car. arianna isn't here anymore, but you know she'd walk to your car with you if she were. you curse at 2pm not because it always comes too fast, but because it always sneaks up on you.

stage five.
- you sit beside your new black alarm clock. it says 5:59am. your palm hovers above it and when it starts to scream, you hit it. you're dressed in the uniform you've worn for eleven years. you see a double rainbow and wish it was the same one from years ago, the same one that brought you a good omen. but now you know double rainbows are caused by two reflections in one raindrop–in other words, too good to be true. you put on the graduation gown with alisha and kai and everyone else. you make jokes about how old you are but quite frankly, the gown's weight really does feel like sagging skin. tears brim in your eyes and you try to blink them back to wherever the hell they've come from. you haven't hugged anyone this hard before, but you hug your friends like you could latch yourself onto them and never leave. alisha and kai are talking really quick, and you can't hear a thing, and your lips are shaking too much. 2pm 2pm 2pm. you've always blamed 2pm for cutting you short and outliving your smiles, but you never realise how good every 6am was to you.

but now it's gone. 6am will never taste this sweet again.