Is This Allowed?

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Relationship: dating in secret (Derek finds out)
Age: a few years younger than Meredith
Plot gist: You're one of Meredith's patients.  Derek has to do surgery where you are conscious, and she is assuring you and helping you through your anxiety revolving around the surgery.
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"ok, you ready?" Meredith asked as she put on your hair net to finish up prepping you for surgery

"You promise you'll be there"

"the whole time" she held your hand tighter leaning forward to kiss your head

just as she was pulling away she heard familiar footsteps behind her. she knew it was Derek

despite, as much as it tore her apart she had no choice but to pull her hand away from your tight grip and put it in her pocket.

"Dr. Grey, slight change of plans, you're not going to need that hair net anymore, but you will need these" he held up a razor

"no, I think you're the one with the brain bleed, see you forgot that you already shaved right here" you pointed at the bald spot on your head sh shaved the night before

Meredith chuckled lightly under her breath, it was nice to see that your sense of humor wasn't affected by the brain bleed.

"were not doing the surgery anymore" he stated nonchalantly

"what?!" you and Meredith exclaimed simultaneously

"let me rephrase, were not doing that surgery" you and Meredith looked at him waiting for him to go on "were doing an awake craniotomy" he stated

you watched Meredith for a sign of what that meant exactly, you weren't exactly a doctor like your girlfriend but you'd been seeing her in private for a little over two months now, and you knew the expression that she had on wasn't a very good one.

you watched her as she shook her head ever so slightly at Derek. when he nodded she looked back at you.

she had tears in her eyes. she knows the risks of that surgery. She's seen the effects of the surgery and she didn't want to see you end up like the last few cases.

"What mer- Dr. Grey what does that mean" you began to feel panicked yourself

"you're going to be awake, during surgery. conscious and talking"

-

"Derek, that's a lot of pressure" you complained, already an hour into the surgery

you winched as he didn't stop whatever he was doing in your brain, not because you were in pain, but just because you were in such immense discomfort.

"Meredith he's not stopping why isn't he stopping?" tears filled your eyes as your breathing started to regulate

as you called out to her you tried your best to turn your head against the restraints so you could look at her.

"Why isn't he talking, Meredith? meredith?" you began to cry, your BP was going up by the second

"Meredith keep her still" he ordered

Meredith saw your panick, your pain and distress, she forgot her own orders about keeping the thing between the two of you strictly under the table.

your breathing began to fasten, and the bleeding in your head got worse because of your distress.

"Meredith now" he practically shouted

"Hey, shhh, look at me" she stood completely in front of you

that was a start. you glued your eyes to her, never wanting her to not be in your site again

"You have to calm down. I need you to be still alright. Everything is just fine... here take my hand" she slipped her hand into yours

you began to calm down, but just having her hand wasn't enough for you

"it's working Meredith, keep going"

you were gripping her hand tighter and tighter. you needed more. you needed to feel her

"ok ok" she tried to rationalize. she could only think of one thing that was sure to calm you down

she climbed onto your lap

this worked, immediately.

she helped you control your breathing, and your bleeding seemed to stop completely

"good, good that good y/n, could you touch Meredith's hair, stroke her cheek?" he ordered wanting to test your range of motion

you did everything perfectly causing Meredith to smile at you.

meredith caught derek's gaze, he smiled knowingly at her.

-

as soon as Meredith was able to she got down to post opp to see you, asleep, complete exhausted from the surgery

"you did great honey... I'm so proud of you" she kissed your head before pulling away not wanting to disturb you

"that very unprofessional of you Dr. grey" she heard Derek who was watching from the doorway

"Derek" she turned to look at him "please, just do me a favor. don't tell y/n you know"

"she told me 2 days ago, the day I met her" he smiled at Merediths shocked expression

she turned to you and chuckled slightly, you loved her.

she leaned forward and brushed the hair you had remaining out of your face slightly

"and leave her alone- you're disrupting her" he watched as your eyebrows furrowed slightly at Meredith's touch on you

"what she doesn't know won't hurt her" she turned to Derek and winked.

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