Reader's Notes

One Day, One Day

There's something about,
Four connected walls,
Maybe it gets too draining,
It makes me want to go to bed now,
Before even 12:30;
It makes me think about,
"See-the-sunrise-late" nights,
If it just goes away,
If it's just the behaviour,
Of some certain age,
If just like that,
Other things will go too,
Like my occasional,
Recently common,
Bad attitude,
Or this historic,
Career ending attitude:
A swing into the depths,
Of a springtime swamp ,
Sticky and cold,
Frozen and thawing,
Ebbing and flowing,
Inevitably birthing,
The small plants,
And mosquitoes,
Puddles of muddy water,
That stink,
But sustain,
Nonetheless.

Around this time,
I get to thinking,
Browsing my ideas,
Like an Ikea catalogue,
Finding that,
No idea's worth the purchase,
The stressing ride home,
With the trunk held half-open,
And the rear viewing mirror,
Unquestionably blocked,
I start pretending,
That things are too serious
Holding my doubts,
As if they're,
Appropriate exercise,
When truthfully,
They're just clouds passing by,
While I'm on the road,
Waiting for a light,
Where the roads are congested,
And I'm rushing home,
For peace of mind.

In my playlist,
I don't resonate with the albums,
Not the way I used to—
That's not pretending,
I don't avoid them still—
Even as I go,
From desk to bench to bus,
No name on my tongue,
No man pressing up,
On anxious eyelids,
That have learned,
Freedom,
Has a few costs.

Sometimes you end up,
Feeling a little,
Too free,
You know when it starts,
Popping up,
In your dreams,
When the couch,
Gets uncomfortable,
And even then,
You stick, still,
Because this,
Is what you wanted,
It was meant to be the goal,
Free time,
What one can call,
A home,
Whether it is or it isn't,
Whether you'd stay,
If you had some,
Other place to go,
Or if it's even,
A place that you'd ever,
Want to come back to,
If you managed a visit,
To that eternal,
"One day,
One day I'll go."
They say time is an illusion,
"Time goes in circles,"
I don't want to go back,
I would've stayed if I'd wanted,
I let it go for a reason,
I'm not there,
And at peace,
I know well enough that,
It don't add up,
Nowadays,
Just, not anymore,
After times given choice,
And then too without it,
There's one way,
Just one,
Place I end up.

Afraid of waters rising,
Washing off,
My effort,
My beloved family,
Leaving too early,
Leaving me aging,
To pop songs we sang,
Conversations,
Fit for two,
A lingering feeling,
Dead-on every time,
Predicting the worst,
After thinking you.

The thoughts that come
Ruining a good time,
I have to wonder if,
Ask my (impolite) mind,
"Is it just the behaviour,
Of everyone at my age?"
If one day,
Just like that!
Something turns out right,
A piece clicks!
Into place,
And it all,
Goes away,
Like they, I guess,
One day just came,
Out of the blue,
Ashes to ashes
And dust to dust,
Like it always will be,
And once simply was.