It's only a matter of time

Chapter 4

Alexander POV

When john runs out I run after him, I'm worried about him, I know he's heart broken and I know he needs time. It was stupid of me to be acting like that.

I can't let my feels for him fuck this up, I just have to be there for him. I mean he lost his wife, he's not gonna want to be with anyone maybe ever and I have to respect that.

I'm sure he's gone to her grave. I go to the graveyard and see him sitting by Eliza's grave, he's crying and talking but I don't know what he's saying.

I walk a little closer where I can hear him "I don't know what to do Eliza.. I love you, the kids remind me of you, Alexander reminds me of you... I-I don't know if I can even be friends with Alexander.. I don't want to move on from you, I don't want to love anyone else, but I always loved him. I just wish you were hear.. you would know what to do"

He loves me? No Alexander don't think about that he's clearly not in any state to be in a relationship.

I walk over to him and kneel next to him "John.. If you want me to move out I will but I want to help you, and I don't expect you to do anything. I don't expect a relationship with you, all I want is to be your friend and help you through this"

He looks at me and puts his head on my shoulder "so you heard that then... I know it's stupid to talk to her grave.. I know she won't say anything, but I still have a part of me hoping that one day I'll wake up and she'll be beside me and this would all just be a dream"

"It's not stupid, she hasn't been gone that long, no one expects you to be over it, you never have to get over her" I say softly

He sighs and looks down "you know I love you.. but I don't think I can do this right now.. I can't- I can't be this close to you.. I feel like I'm betraying her" he says quietly

I look at him and sigh softly "alright, but I'm still going to be here for anything you need. I don't be close to you if you don't want that but please John you need to take care of yourself.. for Eliza."

He nods "I'll try.. can I be alone now?" He wipes his eyes and takes his head off me.

I nod and stand up "I check in on you alright?" He just nods. I look at him again then walk away, I assume this means he wants me to move out. I hope he looks after himself.

A Few Months later.
John POV

I've adjusted to life without Eliza.. I haven't gotten used to it but I've adjusted. Piper's been really distant from everyone. Everest has been trying to stay positive for everyone but I can hear him crying at night, Anne still asks if her mama will come back, and Gabriel is always drawing pictures to her.

Alexander comes over once a week, he manages to cheer the kids up for a day, he takes them out and buys them things while I stay home.

Sometimes be and Alexander will talk.. he makes sure in eat and sleep and stuff. So I guess I'm better. I don't cry every day now, and at least a third of the time I'm not thinking about Eliza, so I guess that's progress.

Alexander should be home with the kids in about and hour, he always stays the night when he takes the kids. I think they're getting better as well, i don't do a great job of trying to distract them and cheer them up, but Alexander does.

Soon I hear the knock on the door and go to open in, Alexander's standing there with the kids. "Hey" he smile slightly and move out of the way

"Papa! Dada got us new toys!" Gabriel says happily and shows me is toy. Gabriel calls Alexander 'dada' cuz well Alexander us is biological father, the rest just call him by his name.

"Thats great baby, why don't you guys go play with them until dinner," I smile, he nods and he and anne run upstairs to play.

I look at piper and ever "didn't you guys get something?"

"Pip got a book and I got a toy. I'm tried, can I go to bed, I don't feel like eating" ever asks.

I kneel down and hug him and pip, "alright, I'll come say good night in a bit, pip are you gonna go to bed or read?"

She shrugs "probably read" she says quietly, and ever runs up to bed

I look at the book that's she's reading and smile slightly "you know, your mama loved this book, and she loved reading just like you.. when you finish that one I'll give you her old books"

She smiles a bit and looks up "really?" She asks hopefully, I nod "thank you papa" she hugs home then runs upstairs.

"You know, you should come with us when I take them next week, they miss spending time with you" Alexander says.

I stand up and look at him "yeah maybe..." I mumble and pick at my nails. I don't think thinks will ever not be awkward between me and Alex

He takes my hand "you're a great father John, they already lost their mother don't let them lose their father as well"

I look up at him again, then our hands. I know I shouldn't but I've been... thinking about Alexander more.. I hate that I have, I promised Eliza I would never love another person.. well I said woman but still. How can I let myself move on?

But maybe that's what I need, maybe I need to be with him, maybe he'll help me. I know he would never make me forget about Eliza. He would support more and love me.

I don't know maybe I'm just being stupid. But I don't want to feel like this forever, I want to get better, for this kids. Maybe bale can't is how I can get better. I love him... I just have to figure out if I'm ready- or if I want to be with him.