Paramour

Ch. 20 - Just Settling

The mailbox...again. It was the only place where you'd have to run into Geto, that is, if you weren't also assigned with him on a mission again.
The two of you stood apart at your respective mailboxes, flicking through mail yet again. The silence that you shared was deafening.
You wondered if there would ever come a day where you'd reconcile. Or speak to one another again.

"So..." he was first to break the silence as he tore through one of his envelopes. "You've managed to do it, has he asked you out on a date yet?" You could tell he was trying to be light and friendly with his tone, but it was obvious he was covering up the tense aura within his voice.

"Actually," your voice was soft as you replied to his unexpected interaction, "I asked him out." You pushed some of your hair behind your ear as you kept your eyes trained on your own mail. There wasn't much, so at this point you were awkwardly flipping through the same envelopes to keep yourself looking busy.

"Wow," Geto smiled to himself with a fake tone, "so when is it?" He finally turned to look at you. For a moment he looked like the old Geto you once knew and loved...like a friend.

In your mind, the same thought was rolling. Actually, your best friend would rather kiss you, not me. "Well, it turns out, we're not that compatible."

"What's that mean?" Geto shook his head, the playful happiness he originally felt had disappeared. "Does that mean all our work over these past two years has been for nothing?"

You nodded quietly. "We're more like...friends with benefits at this point."

"I guess not even I can tame him," he chuckled. "You have no idea..." you thought. "Well, I guess that means our work together is done."

"Y-yeah," you agreed though you weren't sure what he meant by that, if he was considering reconciliation or complete separation. He unfortunately didn't give an answer, walking away with his mail in hand before you could ask.

The rest of your day, mission included, went over in a sort of fog. The past week since moving back to Tokyo had been nothing of what you expected and it was draining your energy, physically and emotionally. You were happy to be back in your apartment where you could disassociate in peace.

You decided to catch up on your favorite show, plopping down on your couch in the middle of your living area, back to the door. 
Your eyelids felt heavy with each passing moment as relaxation finally set in. It felt good to finally have a moment where your thoughts were drowned out by the volume of the television. You thought you'd finally have a night to yourself without feeling like a complete failure.

"Hey, Y/N," Gojo's suave voice rang in your ear causing your eyes to snap open. You choked on a scream as his hands delicately found themselves on your shoulders, his lips against the shell of your ear.

"Oh, hey, Satoru," you sighed, realizing you weren't in any danger. You also didn't want to bother with formalities anymore, not caring to use his family name.

"Would you be interested...in some...play time?" He gave a low chuckle in your ear before planting a small kiss along the upper curve. 

You rolled your eyes to yourself and sat up a little bit. "Please don't call it that. But fine."

"I mean...we don't have to if you don't want to. I definitely don't want to pressure you," he stood up straight and spoke at a normal volume. At the same time, you adjusted your body to better face him. 

"No, no," you shook your head plainly, "let's do it." You stood and began to make your way to your bedroom. 

You began to strip as you walked down the short hallway, letting your clothing litter the floor behind you. Little to your own knowledge, Gojo was busy eyeing you up - getting something out of every little inch of skin that you showed. Too bad it wasn't romantic in nature...

You turned around as soon as you passed the threshold to your bedroom. Gojo, who was quickly trailing you like some kind of impatient predator, came up and put his hands gently on your waist. You accepted the affection by resting your hands on his forearms, looking up toward his blindfold. 
He barely wasted any time before diving toward your neck. The feeling of his saliva against your gentle skin was warm, but you lacked any of your regular goosebumps. Your heart barely fluttered against his touch. You knew something was off with you. An even bigger issue as he moved from your neck to your lips: all you could taste was him. You felt disgusted with yourself as he continued, but didn't want to stop.

In fact, it was more than just you. You noticed as he pulled your body closer, you couldn't feel anything. His zipper was pressed against your exposed clit but there was nothing else there, no growing pressure from an erection.

"Satoru," you stared with your voice soft. He hummed against your neck as if to answer. "Do you even want to do this?" You asked. The sudden question caused him to pull away.

There was a look of hesitation in his eyes as he answered. "Yeah, of course." You squinted your eyes at him for a moment in disbelief. "I'm just...I've just been a bit off because of Suguru." 

"You already thought he was dating me, how's this girl different?" You turned your head suspiciously, waiting for some kind of accidental insult to come out of his mouth.

"Well, he's been different. And I think it's because of her," Gojo sighed and let you go. 

"I've noticed that, too," you agreed with a small, concerned look. "I've never met her, you really think so?"

"Oh...I haven't met her either," Gojo shrugged, "I just assume because he's been that way ever since your party when he met her."

The two of you stood in silence for a moment, both in thought. Gojo continued to sadly think about how his friend, the person he actually wanted to be with, had changed while you were trying to connect the dots - hoping that it wasn't your crumbling friendship that was causing this behavior.

"I mean..." Gojo broke the silence first, "he's always struggled with depression. And he's always been a bit reckless, especially when things get bad, but..." he trailed off.

"Oh," you muttered, "I had no idea..." Gojo nodded.

"He'll...get better," Gojo tried to cheer you, and himself, up, but it didn't sound like he believed himself. "It just takes time."

"Yeah," you agreed. "For now...shall we...continue?" He nodded again and leaned back in to your neck, hands this time fumbling with getting his clothing off.

As his clothing dripped to the floor, the two of you also carefully backed up until you felt your bed hit the back of your knees. You allowed yourself to fall back, Gojo's towering form above you with his pants around his knees - kisses attacking most of your torso and heading south. 
You didn't want to discourage him, but you still felt no excitement toward his touch, so you pretended to get something out of it by breathing a bit heavier. You hoped that once he got to your clit, your body wouldn't betray you. Something with that many nerve endings can't just turn off, right?

You put on as much of a show as you could as you let Gojo have his way. At least you could feel it. The issue was the connection. You hadn't realized just how much connection mattered to you in that regard. In fact, you wondered if you ever felt that with him at all. 
Either way, it was nothing compared to how you felt with Geto.

While you tried to stay focused on performing for your partner, your mind couldn't help but wander. The thing about comparisons, they're easy to make after you've had what you considered your best. 
You let your eyelids flutter shut as your body was rocked by Gojo's steady thrusts, mind immediately taking you to that night. The night you wished you could forget, for your own sake. 

As your mind took you away, you began to feel again - picturing Geto's muscular form over you, his silky black hair tickling your cheeks as he pulsed against you. Your moans became more natural as you kept your mind on the feeling of Geto's soft, deep movements and the sound of his pleasured voice as your body hugged his.

Though you had escaped into the confines of your brain, the true reality of what you were doing and how you were feeling stayed. You knew you couldn't stay like this if all you could think about was him.