Coastal [h.s]

fifteen

tw: death and grief

JUNIOR YEAR//APRIL

~MAGGIE~

I rolled over onto my side pulling my duvet impossibly further up onto my body. I cracked my eyes open and could see the sunlight attempting to break through the curtains. I knew it had to be well into the afternoon but I couldn't will myself to care. I reached across the mattress and found the plush I was looking for.

I pulled the battered seal stuffed animal to my chest and buried my face in it. I inhaled and tried to soak in any scent of home that may have been left on it. I felt my eyes well up with tears when I didn't find any.

That day, like every one that had come before it, was going to be long and I honestly didn't have plans to leave my bed for the next 24 hours. I had requested the day off at the cafe months ago knowing I wouldn't be able to stomach human interaction, especially not customer service. I couldn't fake any sort of smile today.

As I was tracing the spots on the seal I heard a soft knock on my door but didn't have the energy to respond. Goldie's voice came through the door very hesitantly.

"Maggie? I'm gonna head to my shift but if you need anything at all text me and I'll come right home. Please make sure you drink some water today and eat a little food if you can"

I kept my gaze on the empty wall that was directly in my eye line and didn't say anything. I didn't want to be rude but I was worried if I tried to talk I wouldn't be able to get any words out. I knew it would be instant tears and then Goldie would feel like she needed to stay home and take care of me.

I was fine.

Well, I wasn't. But she didn't need to know that right now.

I heard her footsteps move away from the door and into the living room. Eventually, I heard the front door open and close and the house returned to silence. My hands were slightly trembling as I continued to trace circles, staring at the white wall and I could feel wet tears on my face.

My phone buzzed on my nightstand and I knew it was my dad. I rolled onto my back and slowly dragged my body into a sitting position leaning against the wall behind my bed. As I reached over for the device a tear dropped onto the green duvet and I sniffled slightly. When I clicked my phone on, there were a bunch of notifications but the one on the top was the only one I processed.

"Hey Kiddo. Love you lots always but especially today. Call me whenever. I'm here"

The screen blurred with the moisture building in my eyes and I attempted to take some deep breaths in and out. Resting my head on the wall I looked up at the ceiling and started counting my breathing pattern.

In for three

Hold for four

Out for five

When the tears had momentarily stopped I grabbed the phone from my lap and typed out a message in response letting him know I would call him in a little bit and I loved him lots right back. After hitting send I clicked the button on the side to turn it off and threw it to the bottom of my bed, resting my head against the wall again.