Granny Thayer, Demon Slayer || Collab with CMF_Wright

Chapter 15: A Pirate's Life for Xe

Luciano's eyes shifted from the pistol, which was aimed at his topmost left ab, to Saya's steely eyes.

"Ha!" he scoffed. "You wouldn't da—"

That was as far as he got before a Bang! shattered the clearing, followed almost immediately by a wet Splat!

Red burst from Luciano's belly, blossoming across his abdomen like the lurid flowers adorning his flag. Luciano stared down at himself.

"You monster!" he shrieked. "Do you know how many hours it took me to sculpt these abs?"

Then he seemed to realize what else being shot in the abdomen meant. "Wait, no! I'm the male lead! I'm too gorgeous and angsty to di–ARRGHHHH!"

Saya had taken advantage of his distraction to kick him in the shins. As he writhed on the ground, LB lunged toward him and stuffed a bag over his head. A few other members of the crew hurried forward and proceeded to tie his wrists and ankles.

"Goodness." Raj wrung his hands, staring down at the crimson staining Luciano's shirt. "Does anyone around here know first aid? This is supposed to be a lighthearted, silly story—I really don't think—I mean, an actual murder, on screen—"

"His abs are too hard for ordinary bullets to penetrate," the beleathered giant said. Now that Violet no longer feared for her team's safety, she took a moment to read the giant's name badge, which read Akram the Great, he/him, professional spork-er. Akram carefully tucked away his weapon of mass destruction before patting Raj on the shoulder in an ostensibly soothing manner.

Raj teetered and was saved from falling by Violet, who swooped in to offer him her arm.

"Also, it was just a paintball gun." Saya tossed her hair. "While LB and Luciano were having their rather annoying showdown earlier, I was rummaging around in the wagon trying to find my paintballs. I was going to hide the weapon under my shawl and ambush Luciano in private once I got to the ship, but you guys gave me the courage to do it right here."

She kicked Luciano's ankle moodily. He thrashed on the ground and let loose a stream of fucks and even more substantial threats to the story's already dubious "Everyone" rating. Luckily for Violet's team—and for the authors—his most offensive epithets were muffled by the sack on his head.

The pirate in the tie-dyed shirt—whose name tag read Tay, wielder of excessively bright colors, they/them—shuffled forward and tugged Saya's sleeve shyly. "Thank you," they said. "Luciano's been annoying us for months, and we've all been chattering about a mutiny, but no one around here was brave enough to stand up to the power of his abs... until now."

"Oh." Saya scratched her head. "I mean—uhh, you're welcome, I guess!"

Violet cocked her head at Saya. Despite the young woman's frequent displays of brazen confidence, she appeared a bit unsure how to respond to an actual success. Violet was reminded of Arty, who had waved around his sword with considerable vigor while assuring imaginary villagers that he would save the world, but had hid inside his closet when an admiring classmate asked for a kiss.

"It really was very resourceful, Saya," said Violet.

"Resourceful?" said the orange-clad woman, whose name tag read Little Miss Maisie; she/her; machine gunner. "It was bloody brilliant, that's what it was!" Maisie clapped a hand on Saya's shoulder, flinging the machine gun around precariously. "Climactic! Eventful! The perfect amount of drama to keep the crew (and readers) entertained! Plus, your makeup never smudged once! Have you ever considered a career in piracy? With your voice, the crew would gain a formidable secret weapon!"