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Shadows of yesterday

(You've got to say goodbye to yesterday
To move on to another day........ from say goodbye by Frank Edwards)

'Murderer.... justice...... you'll pay for this..... no rest...... HELLLPPPPPP!'

Toby jolted awake and immediately switched on the bedside lamp. Despite the AC, he was sweating a bucket. Days like this, he wished to never wake up but fate seemed to be very cruel with him. So many times, he had considered helping Mother Nature to do the job but just like in every aspect of his life, he is a complete chicken.

Knowing that sleep had eluded him once again, he tiptoed into the living room area and was not even surprised to see his friends laying down in different places and positions within the room except for Ben and Ada. He simply went to get a bottle of water and stepped out to the patio, looking over at the quiet city. Lekki Phase One and its environs is always quiet even when other parts of Lagos is bustling with activities.  Toby sat down on the railings looking down  and contemplating his options. He calculated the distance between his position and the ground and came to the conclusion that such a fall will hardly kill him but then  again, he will be buggered up so much that maybe, just maybe he will feel something else other than the numbing guilt that's as become a part of his existence. He just want to feel something else, anything else! He shifted in his position and made a move....

'Please,' a tiny barely audible whisper stopped him, ' just please'

He closed his eyes so tight and sighed heavily, then turned towards the voice 'why are you out here?'

'Do you remember that time? When Ben and I had that issue?" Asked Ada, ignoring Toby's question.

'Which one? Asked Toby with a bored tone

' yea, we fight a lot right?' She replied with a smile. Toby merely grunted and Ada continued 'that time when I found out in Basic 8 that she is crushing on senior Ebere who happened to be straight by the way.'

'What about that?'

'Hmmm, it was a trial time for me, not knowing what is happening to me nor what to do about it. All I knew was that I hated the way I was feeling each time Ben talk about Ebere. I hated her, poor clueless Ebere.
'Then she graduated and left without knowing the damage she caused in the friendship I shared with Ben.'

Toby merely grunted, his gaze far away.

'I guess what I'm trying to say' Ada continued ' is that at that time, getting used to my sexuality was so hard but you were there and you knew exactly what to say to me. You told me, in SS1 that ignoring the problems we have will never make it go away, that it will eat right at us until it completely consumes us.
'You have always been the strongest one amongst us, our go to guy. Benita misunderstood me at the time and you knew exactly what to say to her. She was always the hotheaded one amongst us and you taught me the best approach to use with her. Look at us now, dating, happy, so much in love and I can actually see myself dating her for a really long time.
'Please Toby, I want to be here for you, I want to do right by you, help you just like you did with me and our friends. Please tell me how' Ada silently sobbed

'I don't know' said Toby quietly 'I don't know anything at all. I just feel like no one can help so please stop trying'

'How can you tell me to stop worrying about you? Even if you want to die, can you please consider living for me? I don't even know what to do without you Tobenna, you are my best friend! I am so sorry that I have been focused on things that doesn't even matter, giving myself the excuse that my presence, our presence, will overwhelm you since you don't want us around. I even convince myself that Yaba will help you, I mean they are the professionals, but I shoulda known better.
'I should have paid more attention, used more of my ears and brains. But Toby, it's not too late yet, tell me, what do you feel? What do you want? What do you need? And I'll do my best to be there for you, all our friends too. Just don't take your life yet, let us try too!'