GETAWAY CAR, sirius black

━━ chapter 20

fatefully, I tried to pick my battles till the battle picked me

♛

Celeste couldn't feel at all. Her mind was blank and numb, lost of any sense. With each passing day, she spiraled deeper and deeper into a dark abyss. Even despite being back at school, she couldn't get a grip on herself. Her grief was so strong it could've knocked someone down.

"Celeste, are you listening?"

"Celeste!"

The voices were unheard by Celeste. She sat on her bed, starting out the window of the dormitory, wallowing in her own misery. She rubbed the heavy ring on her finger with excessive pressure. Even though she despised it, it gave her something to pick at when she was in a mood.

"Celeste! Earth to Celeste!"

Marlene waved her hand in front of Celeste's face, breaking her out of her daze. Celeste pushed the hand away. "Stop it, I'm not deaf you idiot."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Sure, because it's not like we've been calling your name for the last seven minutes."

"Are you alright?" Lily asked worriedly. "You've been really out of it tonight."

"Oh, yeah," Celeste stammered. "I think I'm gonna go out for a walk before curfew."

"Be careful," Alice said.

Celeste smiled weakly and nodded.

It wasn't long after the sun had set. Long shadows cast across the corridor walls, sometimes resembling the figure of a person, making her give a double take and check to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

She climbed the winding stairs and ladders until she made it to the top of the astronomy tower. Signs of spring were already seeping it's way into nature. Bits of green were poking through through the ground, and making appearance among the trees. From somewhere unseen, the scent of flowers had been carried over by the cool breeze. But Celeste had not come to spot spring. Her focus was far higher.

When her mind was in the clouds, she looked to the stars.

She sat on the ground, hugging her knees close to the chest. Her gaze traced over the few constellations that she recognized, lingering on the brightest star.

"That one's mine," a voice interrupted.

Celeste nearly jumped out of her skin in fright. "Sirius!" she hissed.

"That's me," he grinned, sitting down beside her. He reeked of cigarette smoke. "Brightest star in the sky."

"What brings you here?"

"I always come here. Remember?"

"Oh, yes. It slipped my mind."

The pair shared the silence of the night, resting their head against the wall and simply breathing in the air. They could hear owls making a ruckus in the distance. Sirius tore his gaze from the sky and turned his head to his left, where Celeste remained silent. A small gleam of emerald caught his attention.

"Celeste," he said quietly. "Is that a ring?"

Her eyes clouded with remorse. She didn't bother to look down at it. "Yeah."

"You ― they made you do it?" Sirius looked at her in disbelief.

"Yes," she answered, her voice hardly louder than a whisper. She hesitated. "Do you ― do you think that it's my own fault? That it was my doing that brought me to this point?"

Sirius didn't have to think. "No. Because you were guided and pushed towards it all your life. It was expected of you."

Celeste closed her eyes and took a breath. "There was always a choice, wasn't there? I should've run away, just like you said." She made a sound between a scoff and laugh. "I feel like the worst person alive."

"You're not a bad person. You're just a person who's had bad things happen to them."

The words sank in, easing her pain. His words echoed through her mind repeatedly. She was almost convinced that he was right.

"But in all seriousness, I'm sorry. I really am."

Celeste knit her brows together. "How come?"

"I promised that I would get you out of it. But I didn't really get to that, did I?"

She smiled a little. "It was never your responsibility to begin with. I'm glad that you care though. That much means the world."

"I'm still going to keep that promise. It's entirely unfair for you. I swear that you'll never have to walk down the aisle to him."

Celeste appreciated the words. But deep down in her gut, she knew it could never be true, not as long as she was alive.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

Celeste turned her head to look at him. "Are we still friends?"

Sirius paused. "Can we be friends?"

They were sitting too close to look like friends. They had spoken more than casual friends would usually say. Celeste could feel his breath on her cheeks, hot and slow. Their eyes were locked, silver meeting black, light and dark, even though they both shone under the moon and stars.

They were too close.

Sirius raised his hand, running his thumb across her cheek, and stopping when came close to her lips. His eyes flickered towards them.

"I should probably go now," he said lowly.

Celeste blinked. "Right. Right, me too." There was a new feeling in her stomach, one that she couldn't place.

They scrambled to stand up, awkwardly standing.

"Thanks for that talk, I ― I think I really needed it," Celeste said, resting a hand against the wall.

"Yeah, anytime. I'm always here for you."

Celeste couldn't sleep that night. It was that undeniable feeling she had when Sirius was looking at her ― the same one from months ago, back when he was courting her. She knew the answer all too well, but was refusing to come to terms with it.

She tossed and turned under her blankets, hoping to smother the thoughts away. But as the moon rose higher and higher, it would only be a matter of time before the words spewed from her mouth.

It plagued her for hours, until the little spark had ignited the roaring fire in her heart.

With Evan, they shared no sort of feeling. He was too stiff, too ugly, and too much of a burden to be around. But Sirius knew all the ways to comfort her and surprise her. He was someone Celeste could scream at and fight with, but come limping back into open arms every time.

By the time the clock struck midnight, her answer had settled well in her heart. She was completely, utterly, and hopelessly in love with Sirius Black.

But what she was unaware of, was that the boy who invaded her thoughts was having the same dilemma.