Drunk Teen Actions

Extra

I know I said there would be an epilogue, and there will be, I did not realize just how much school will kick my ass, so to make up for it, I present to you, an extra chapter. Some of it is vaguely based on similar interactions with Dazai kins as a Chuuya kin lol. Happy pride month ya fruity fuckers.

Much love,

~your beloved and equally fruity author 💖

🌸🌸🌸

"Dazai!" Kunikida yelled, snatching the phone from Osamu's hand. "You're supposed to be working not-"

Osamu smirked as the contents of the phone caught Kunikida's eye and he stared in utter bewilderment.

Wifey~💗: I'm not going to be home tonight, I'm working the night shift.
Wifey~💗: The house better be intact when I get home. I left dinner in the fridge, it's your favorite.

Be careful bunny(ʃƪ＾3＾）I wuv you :Dumbass

Wifey~💗: Call me that again and I'm kicking your ass when I get home

Hot 🥵 :Dumbass

Wifey~💗: You are the bane of my existence

I love you (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤ :Dumbass

Wifey~💗: The dishes better be clean when I get home.
Wifey~💗: Love you too

"What's the matter, Kunikida?" Atsushi asked, coming up behind the man. Kunikida made no movement, completely frozen, so Atsushi finally peaked over to the phone himself, reading the text exchange.

"Oh! Dazai's wife!"

Heads shot up from around the office and there was sudden clamoring to where Kunikida stood. Yosano plucked the phone from the man's hand and read the texts aloud.

"What job does your wife work?" Kenji asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"My dear wife is in law enforcement," Osamu said, though leaving what laws Chuuya was enforcing subtly ambiguous. Ranpo started snickering in his chair, pulling out a fresh lolipop to snack on.

"I didn't know you were married, Dazai!" Yosano exclaimed with a laugh. "Why would you keep this a secret? I wanna meet the poor woman who said yes to you!"

"No can do," Osamu grinned.

"Awwwwww why not?" Naomi whined.

"We have to be careful because of the Mafia."

There was annoyed but understanding grumbles around the room as Osamu plucked his phone from Yosano's hand.

"Can you tell us about her?" Kenji asked.

"What would you like to know about them?" Osamu asked, leaning forward on his desk. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Ranpo whipped out his phone and started typing, clearly enjoying and relaying the show to whom Osamu presumed was Poe.

"When did you meet?" Atsushi asked.

"Well, we were both fifteen years old when I met them."

Naomi's eyes glittered.

"Young sweethearts," she muttered dreamily.

"How did you meet?" Kyouka asked, an expression on her face that made Osamu think she might have started to catch on but was far from sure about her thoughts.

"They attacked me, of course."

"Who wouldn't," Yosano snorted.

"When did you get together?" Junichiro asked.

Osamu shrugged in reply, dancing around that question. "It just happened."

"How old were you when you got married?" Yosano asked.

"18 years old," Osamu stated proudly. "Had to seal the deal while they were still agreeable."

Jaws dropped open in shock around the room, though Ranpo merely stifled another laugh.

"YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED THIS WHOLE TIME?" Kunikida yelled. "WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE WOMEN WHO YOU'VE ASKED TO DOUBLE SUICIDE WITH YOU?"

"It's double suicide, not a marriage proposal," Osamu said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I only have eyes for my darling spouse."

"Darling is a bit of a stretch," Ranpo snickered.

"You've met her?" Yosano asked.

"I have met them," Ranpo said.

"Tell us what you know!" Naomi exclaimed, bounding up to the detective.

"Nope!" Ranpo giggled mischievously. Osamu sighed with a small smile as Naomi whined before setting her sights back on interrogating him.