Her strength. His weakness

Chapter 1

I have many friends, but I do not have the courage to tell them my true feelings. I always tell myself that I can do it even if I can't.

A facade is the only way to conceal one's true self.

I may wear a mask, an illusion, however it keeps me safe knowing I trust myself.

Although I've faced my insecurities, became more independent on my self and have friends. I still do feel alone. As if no one truly understands me.

When I was younger I explained to my friends how I felt and the arguments I had with my sister, but foolishly it only ended up with judgements and laughs.

They told me it was just stupid sibling arguments. Yes it may have been, but my mental health and seclusion was killing me.

I only wanted someone to truly understand me.
Or was I the problem?

As a teenager I never felt like I was part of my family. An outcast. They believed I was ignorant, stubborn, even a bitch at times.

But maybe just listening and showing true affection and love would truly uncover my upsetting moments.
I've always felt like I didnt belong there.

Constantly, I would argue with my sister and at times, my mother.

Being painted as the villain of the story, as the cunning child who was disrespectful, misbehaved in class, however I had good grades but I was portrayed as arrogant, ignorant and 'too full of myself.'

I was only a child, only if I was shown affection and a bit of attention I wouldn't have been like this misbehaved girl who I was seen to be.

My mother had always shown affection to my sister.

To her, she was the golden child, the gorgeous girl who was slim and 'perfect'.

My 16th birthday was such a disappointed 'sweet 16', it resulted in arguments.

My sister had made a snide comment as we weren't talking for months due to many little arguments we had.

I was so upset I hadn't speaken to her in months and I was a girl who held grudges.
Yes, I may have been jealous of her, through the eyes of my mother lay such a sweet 18 year old.

However to me she was cruel, made me feel like a pariah, as if I didn't belong here.

"Your so overweight, I'm surprised no one's bullied you in school"and comments ongoing such as
"You might be the clever kid, but you're never going to get anywhere in life with that attitude. You're just arrogant and ignorant."

Of course I was angry and annoyed, these comments was always thrown at me and as a mouthy kid I would argue back at her.

Yet, she constantly mocked and criticised me with words about my weight, how no one would like me and constantly on about my grades and how I would end up in a great fall due to arrogance.

Comments like this wound me up and my lack of patience and calmness replied back with anger.

"no wonder you didn't pass your maths GCSE you had to retake it twice , wow you're so jealous of me it's quite pathetic really.

It was just foolish words of anger and rage.

Although she didn't pass her maths the first time, she retook it and passed, she even had the opportunity to do an apprenticeship.

My oh my was my mother proud of her when she had gotten the opportunity to study business.

She constantly talked about she would open a beauty and skin care business company. She was the pretty slim sister and i was the overweight and misbehaved one.

Of course I was happy for her, although we argued I did want my sister to achieve her goals.

However, back on fourth we argued that day my mother would at times agree with her saying I was just arrogant and stubborn.

And although I had better grades my behaviour was lacking. So I made a promise to myself that day.

As soon as I turned 17 I would live a new life without any troubles, without my mum and my sister. Escaping my stress, troubles and from my family.
A fresh. New. Start.