Returned to Sender - Scarlett Johansson

Part 18

Scarlett's POV

It's been a month since the first day I saw Sawyer, and things have, well, been going.

Some days, it's almost like she's an average child, laughing and chatting with me and making and making a real effort with the cast. On other days, she just disappears inside herself. They're the hardest to deal with for both of us. It's painful watching her as she sits stuck, reliving her past internally; those days, I always try to have her in my arms. I've found that physical contact with me helps to soothe her. Still, it can be a challenge sometimes, especially around all the filming.

Still, she won't let anyone touch her, she needs to initiate contact with everyone other than me, or she will get a flashback. Still, I will take any progress we can get. So the fact that she will touch other people from time to time is such fantastic progress.

Luckily everyone is understanding; they all seem to love Sawyer, and Sawyer is starting to enjoy their presence, at least, I think she is. The only people she seems to be close to comfortable around other than me are Robert and Lizzie. Everyone else she is simply tolerating, so I guess it is going well-ish with the cast.

Sometimes when I'm filming, she will sit with Lizzie and Robert and converse with them, which is fantastic progress for her. She still doesn't like to be far away from me, so she comes everywhere with me, but that's fine because the idea of her being too far from me stresses me out too. I think being close to each other helps us both out, a reminder that we have each other again.

Today Sawyer woke us both up at six am screaming bloody murder.

She had a particularly vivid nightmare, and it took me close to an hour to convince her that Cooper would not get her. Since Sawyer woke up, she hasn't let go of me. We even ended up showering together because she wouldn't let go of me. Days like this are rare since she is pretty good at hiding her nightmares, but when they happen, they are the worst, and it breaks my heart to see the state they leave her in.

Typically, on a day like this, we would cuddle up on the couch and watch movies all day, hugging between takes, which admittedly is what we do most days. Still, the physical touch is at its max on days like this.

But today we are going to New York, filming in England has wrapped and we have a two-week break before we are due in Atlanta for more filming. I'm taking Sawyer to New York for a week to introduce her to my family, who I still need to tell about Sawyer. Then we are going to Atlanta to spend Easter, even though I don't celebrate it, with the cast in Atlanta before filming starts. Sawyer is currently clinging to my neck on my back as I pack, needing both hands to fold.

We had learnt that I could do everything this way while she still got her cuddles. Sawyer hasn't said anything since the nightmare, so she hasn't asked what I'm doing; she has no clue we are leaving for the States today. I talked to her briefly last week about how we were eventually going back to New York to live. She just nodded along, so I don't know if she was even listening. I updated her British passport with her last name back to Johansson. I also got her an American passport from the embassy last week, so she's all set.

We were finally all packed, and I had somehow convinced Sawyer to put on her shoes and pack her backpack so we were ready to go. Robert had offered to drive us to the airport after lunch to save Sawyer from having to deal with anyone new in a taxi.

Sitting down at the table with the cast, I handed Sawyer a plate of wings, she had started to sit on her own chair to eat next to me, but I knew today she wasn't going to let me go, so I didn't even bother to move her, instead playing with her hair as I gave her an encouraging smile before turning her away from my chest so that she was facing the table. Everyone was having their usual chatter about what they would do over the break from filming. At the same time, Sawyer just stared at her plate. I ended up having to feed her practically.