Duskwood: Jake's notes

Fullness of emotions | 8

Time: episode 8.
Place: motel Y.
___________

I feel like I've been sleeping for the last few weeks of sleep this night, because when I open my eyes, the sun has been shining for a long time and the device is fully charged and bursting with notifications. Heck... Are they in trouble again?

I reach for the tech, fighting a nagging headache. And I forget about everything that happened recently. Because the situation suddenly gets even worse. Probably worse than I could have imagined. Our criminal crosses the line and this time attacks for real. Right in front of her eyes, he attacked one of the group, Richy. Makes him almost die in front of her. I clench my fists and quickly type a message. That's all I can do for her.

•°•°•°

Jake:
I've read up on everything.
I am sorry about what happened.
Richy was your friend.
[12:52]
Would you like to talk about it?
[12:53]

Ana:
No, I wouldn't
[12:53]

Jake:
Are you sure about that?
After the traumatic experience like that one it should help to be able to talk about it to someone.
[12:53]

Ana:
If it's okay with you
[12:53]

Jake:
Of course, it is.
[12:54]

•°•°•°

She tells me everything. What she sees, what she feels at that moment and now. And each of her 'I can't do it any more', 'I abandoned him' for some reason gives pain in my chest. She blames herself first, then both of us. We are guilty because we do not stop the investigation after his threats. But who could have known? So far, everything indicates that he is not one of those who is capable of anything more serious than threats, this is completely out of place from the image that develops as a result of analyzing actions. So what's wrong?

I can feel every word she says, like a tiny needle digging into my skin. But I can barely find the strength to respond to the flood of messages with even a few words.

•°•°•°

Ana:
It hurt to talk about it
[12:59]

Jake:
I am here, Ana.
[12:59]

Ana:
Why can't you take me into your arms?
Why can't you look me in the eyes?
And tell me that everything will be fine?
[13:00]

Jake:
I wish I could.
[13:00]
I'm sorry.
[13:01]

•°•°•°

I wish I could really comfort her, but I can only write words that seem meaningless, artificial.

She probably feels the same way, because she's only getting angrier. 'We lost Richy, but aren't any closer to finding Hannah!' - no longer a needle, but a whole stiletto leaving a bleeding wound. I understand this anger, I understand that she is telling the truth. We found a lot, we do a lot to find Hannah, but sometimes it seems that it does not give anything. It seems that everything is in vain, that we won't find Hannah. At least not alive. I thought about it, too. I also sometimes want to give up, listen to the 'advice' of the kidnapper and just walk away from this path, taking only the treasure found during the investigation. But this is a meaningless luxury. Unfinished things will always be found you again, even if you hide on the other side of the Earth.

I understand her feelings. This time I understand very well. Even so, I ask her to stay and continue the investigation with me.

She finally listens, stops threatening to just block me, even though she's still grumbling. 'But only because you'd be lost without me', explains her agreement. That's at least something. It seems like she really is feeling a little better after our conversation. I need to finish it.