how do I kill hope, when I'm hope?

I want to write a poem on this. But that's gonna need energy. And I'm so exhausted right now.
I want to tell you where it all went wrong. But that's gonna need patience. And I'm so restless right now.
I want to bleed & tear in ink. But that's gonna need pain to feel. And I'm so numb right now.
I want to give up on love. But that's gonna need a sense of self preservation. And I'm so lost right now.
Most of all, I want to kill the hope. But that's gonna need a despise for mortality. And I'm so drained right now.

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