Running Out of Control (Boyxboy)

Four

Ajax

  It had been hours since the party, though Travis stayed behind for a while after everyone else had left. Did I talk to him at all while he was there? Of course not. No, we just stared at each other, ducking our heads when the other noticed, until Gill mentioned that it was getting dark outside. Not wanting to ride his bike in the dark, Travis left. I watched him through the front window as he pedalled away until I could no longer see him.
  "Hey Jax, Toby and I are gonna go for a run and hang out at the lake for a bit. You're welcome to join us if you'd like."
  "No he's not." Toby interrupted, making me chuckle.
  "Nah, it's alright. You guys should get as much alone time as you can get right now, because you're not gonna be getting any for like the next eighteen years." Gill rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway. "Besides, that was the most socializing I've done in two years and I'm exhausted. I'm probably just gonna go to bed a little early."
  "I don't blame you, it was a lot for me and I see this people almost every day." Tobias admitted.
  "Oh, I forgot to ask before in all the chaos, but would you like me to cut your hair tomorrow? I used to cut my dad's when I still lived with him, and I've been cutting Toby's for a while. I've gotten pretty good." I thought about it for a moment.
  "That would be cool, actually. I feel like long hair doesn't look too bad on me, but it's really annoying having it in my face and having to tie it up." He nodded.
  "Alright, I have some classes in the morning, but when I get back I can do it. I can make lunch too!"
  "Sounds great, Squirt. I'll probably grab some stuff from my old apartment while you're gone." Gill and Toby left and I went downstairs to get ready for bed.
Images of a shining crooked smile. flooded my brain as I brushed my teeth.
  I was about to lose control again. I could feel it as I sat in my friends' backyard. I was going to lose control and turn for an unknown amount of time, probably involuntary hurt someone I cared about...and then it all stopped.
He stopped it. It took just one look and my heart was racing for a completely different reason. I'd never been able to pull myself together like that before. Every other time, I always shifted for days at a time, not a single memory of my time as a wolf, and yet with one glance, I was a puddle in the grass. 
  Just like how I felt with Kayla. It was a little different, sure, but the bond was unmistakable. Travis was my mate. I'd grown up hearing stories of the goddess giving wolves she deemed worthy a second chance mate if they'd lost their first. Nobody knew if it actually happened or if it was just a sweet story.
Until now I guess.
  But why me? After what I did? Kayla didn't just die...I didn't just lose her... I killed her, and possibly our unborn child. I remember the piercing pain in my chest the second the bullet hit her. I remember feeling everything and nothing all at once. I was furious and devastated that she'd betrayed us. She was willing to hurt people that truly cared about her, and I felt guilty because despite all of that...despite her almost killing one of my best friends right in front of me...I missed her.
  Travis...I couldn't...We couldn't...What if I hurt him? What if he hurt me? How could I stay away from him though, if our bond was already so strong. How could I get close to him...I didn't deserve it. The goddess chose wrong. I didn't deserve another chance. I couldn't...
I groaned and dropped my toothbrush into the sink, suddenly not feeling very tired. Before I could stop myself, I was rushing up the stairs and out the front door. I shifted for the first time since being back, stretching out my limbs.
My paws seemed to work on their own, carrying me toward the trees.  I stayed close to the road, following along beside it, but still hidden among the thick brush of the forest. I wasn't really aware of where I was going. Every turn I came across, I'd pause for a moment, and somehow I'd know which way I was supposed to go. I had a feeling of where I'd end up, and as I slowly approached a small suburban home surrounded by the aroma of lavender and pine, my suspicions were confirmed. There was only one light on that I could tell. The house was only one level, and the window was partially open, so I could see inside. I knew right away it was his, not just from the scent I'd already memorized, but his voice drifting through the air.
  "Uh...hey Jared." Jared? Who was Jared? There was silence for just a moment, h til Travis spoke again. He must've been on the phone.
  "Yeah, I'm doing good...um...I wanted to talk to you about that actually... No, it's not that... It's just... I've had a really nice time getting to know you, but...I don't think I can go out with you anymore." He was dating someone?
My heart ached and fluttered at the same time. It stung a bit knowing he was dating someone else, but I couldn't help but feel a little happy it sounded like he was breaking it off.
  "No! Of course not, you haven't done anything wrong. I just...don't think we're a good match...does that really matter? We went on like two dates, Jared." His voice was getting a bit closer to the window, and I slowly took a step back.
'SNAP'
I froze as my back paw stepped directly on a branch. Travis appeared in the window, and looked around before his amber eyes met mine.
  "Um...I have to go. I'm sorry again." He hung up the phone and stared at me for a moment.
  "Um...Ajax, right? H-how did you know where I lived?" I stayed silent. "Right, wolf. You can't talk right now. Um...I mean you could shift back if you want? I have some clothes you can put on." I took an involuntary step forward. He smiled and nodded, stepping away for a moment before coming back and opening the window the rest of the way.
  "Here. You're a bit taller than me so the pants might be a little short, but I think other than that everything should fit okay." He tossed a couple garments out the window and turned around. I stared at the fabric on the grass for a moment before groaning and shifting back. I dressed quickly into a pair of jogger sweatpants and a dark green hoodie. They smelled like him.
  "I didn't...know where you lived I mean." Travis turned back around and gave me a questioning look. "I didn't mean to come here..." I continued. "I just started running and sort of ended up here? I followed your scent...Jesus I sound like a creep." He laughed.
  "A little bit, but it's also kinda cute too." I was thankful it was dark out, because my face was for sure beat red.
  "So...was that your boyfriend you were talking to?" He sighed.
  "Not really. We went on a couple dates, but it wasn't serious enough yet to put a label on it."
  "But you liked him?" He shrugged.
  "I guess, yeah. He was nice. We had a nice time together. I just...didn't think he was right for me." I pursed my lips to hide my smile.
  "You used to date Gill, right?" He groaned.
  "A long time ago, yeah. I was an ass to him."
  "I've heard the story." He dropped his head in shame.
  "I know we weren't meant to be, but I at least wish things would've ended better. I hated myself for how I treated him. I don't understand how he was able to forgive me."
  "Because it's Gill. He always sees the best in people."
  "So you met him when he met Tobias?" I nodded.
  "Yeah, Toby and I have been best friends since we were pups, and I was there when he met Gill. Completely smitten the second he saw him."
  "I can say the same for Gill. I wasn't there when they met, obviously, but I've known him for a long time, and I've never seen him this happy. They're great together." I nodded in agreement, but didn't say anything. What was I doing? This wouldn't work...someone would just end up getting hurt.
  "I know they really missed you..." He stated, sounding a bit nervous. "They never really told me why you left, just that there was a war and you saved Gill somehow and ran into the trees." I sighed. "Not that I'm asking for you to tell me!" He added quickly. "I was just filling the silence and my brain is dumb and that's what came out and...fuck I'm just gonna shut up." I chuckled.
  "Just a lot of stuff went down and I needed to be alone for a while to work through it I guess." He nodded.
  "I totally understand that." He frowned. I didn't pry, but I could tell he meant what he had said. He did know how I felt. "Um...would you like to come inside?" I bit my lip. I wanted absolutely nothing more than to climb through his bedroom window and join him, but I stayed frozen for a bit longer. Sensing my hesitation, he added on to the invitation. "Just for a little bit? It's kinda cold out there." I sighed again. I'd been doing that a lot lately.
  "I'm sorry, Travis. Maybe another time. I should get going. I'll see you around." It took everything in me, but I turned around, facing the trees. "Thank you for the clothes. I'll return them next time
you're over at Toby and Gill's."
  "Keep them. They look better on you anyway," He flirted. He was making leaving extremely difficult.
  "Damn it." I whispered under my breath. I turned around again. He smiled shyly at me. "Scoot over then." Before I could stop and think, I gripped the window sill, pulling myself up and through, and soon enough, I was standing less than a foot away from the breathtaking man I'd been thinking about all day. His room was neat, dark gray carpet lining the floor. There was a wooden desk in the far corner, an expensive looking gaming PC on display. My attention was pulled back to Travis.
  "Hi." He greeted with a sparkling grin.
  "Hi."
  "Um...Want to sit? We can talk on my bed, or you can take the desk chair if you're more comfortable." I eyed both options. I wanted nothing more than to be close to him, but the hesitancy nipped at my brain, telling me to take the chair. My heart stung at the disappointment in his face as I sat in the chair. I wheeled a bit closer, however, hoping the compromise would appease us both.
  "Is it okay if I start?" He asked as he sat on the edge of his bed. "I have a lot of questions."
  "Of course." He nodded and took a deep breath.
  "So...obviously I'm not like you, and I don't have like a voice in my head guiding me and shit, but from the things I've heard from Gill over the past couple years, about him and Toby... That's what this feels like. We're...like them...right?" His eyes looked anxious, as if he were afraid of my answer.
  "Yes, we're mates." His breath released.
  "And...I know a little bit about mates...we have like a super strong bond and we're like...destined for each other?"
  "The moon goddess matched us together. We have a bond, yes, but it's still up to us if anything goes beyond that. She sort of just jumpstarts it, but it's on us if we move forward or not." He nodded, looking down at the carpet.
  "Right...and is that...do you want that? To move forward?"
  "I'm not sure... I think maybe we should both think about it? Just...I haven't even spoken with another person in two years and relationships...I just don't want to mess this up." It wasn't what I wanted to say, and by the sad look on his face, it wasn't what he wanted to hear. "Hey, it wasn't a no." I impulsively reached for his hand, holding it tightly in mine. My skin erupted in chills the moment my hand touched his.
  "You're right, though. Relationships are hard. We should think about it and make informed decisions and not just act on impulse." I could feel the wolf inside me whine at the words of our mate. I sighed and reluctantly dropped his hand and stood from the chair.
  "I should go..."
  "Wait, before you do..." He stood as well, inches away. My heart raced and my eyes flicked down to his plump lips for just a moment. His body crashed into mine and his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, his face buried in my shoulder. I hugged him back, his golden hair tickling my nose.
  "Sorry..." He pulled back, too soon for my liking. "I just like being close to you."
  "Goodnight, Travis." I said with a smile.
  "Goodnight, Ajax." I stepped away from him, back to his window. I gave him one last longing look before climbing out and beginning the walk back to Toby and Gill's, not even bothering to shift.

Travis

I stared at the open window for at least an hour before I actually went and closed it, and even then, I just stood there looking out into the trees, hoping I'd see a jet black wolf or a tall brunette. I didn't move from my spot by the window until I heard my father's squad car pull into the driveway. I exited my room to greet him, smiling when I saw the McDonald's bag in his hand.
  "I had a feeling you'd still be up. I brought food, I wasn't sure how long ago you'd eaten." He handed me the food while he kicked off his shoes. "I'm gonna go change and put my gun away, but I have something to talk to you about when I come back." I swallowed and nodded. He made his way down the hall to the room across from mine and shut his door behind him. I took a deep breath as I set the food down on the coffee table. He wasn't gone long, and he was now dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie from his college days.
  "So...what did you need to talk to me about?" He sighed and motioned for the couch. I sat, and waited for him to continue.
  "You know I've been keeping contact with the police back in New Mexico, right?" My breathing stopped.
  "...yes. Did something happen?"
  "Doug's trial is going to happen soon, and you'll most likely be called to testify if he doesn't take a plea." I looked down at the floor. "That's not all, though."
  "There's more?" He nodded, joining me on the couch.
  "Scott would have also been going to trial soon, but he was killed last night by another inmate." I stared at the McDonald's bag on the table, suddenly not feeling very hungry. I didn't know what to feel. The man who helped my 'best friend' murder my boyfriend, was dead.
  Part of me was happy. He deserved the same punishment he gave to Ryan. But part of me was also angry. He was supposed to rot forever in that cell. He was supposed to sit and think about what he did over and over every single day until he croaked as an old man in fifty years.
  "Thank you for telling me. I think I'm going to go to bed, actually. You can have my food." His hand pat me twice on the shoulder. I stood up and silently walked to my room, wishing I never let Jax leave.

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