Tame me (Jensoo)+18 CONVERTED

Chapter 45: Letting go

I stared at the book in front of me. Stared hard. My eyes
drifted over the words but absolutely nothing, not even a
syllable seemed comprehensive. I narrowed my eyes at the page, once again letting my eyes glide over the letters.

I huffed. Enter my head, you pieces of shit.

"Uh, why are you talking to the book?" Hanbin asked, from the couch across mine.

My glare switched to him and it turned deadlier.

"Okay damn. Forget I asked." He raised his hands, shaking his head.

I went back to the heated battle with my book.

It was Halloween today and we were back home. The minute we stepped on the plane yesterday to leave Nashville, a huge weight lifted off my chest. It felt like I was leaving behind a painful chapter of my life filled with toxicity. I was now back home in New York with Jisoo.

Jisoo.

Things had been considerably..... Weird. We tried our best to talk normally like friends would but there was always thick tension hanging in the hair whenever we were in the same room. So many times, I wanted to just walk up to him and tell him that I reciprocated the feelings but something in my gut always stopped me. Sometimes it felt like it was my past. I find it very difficult to let people in and trust them but Jisoo was obviously the exception. I trusted him with everything in me. The thing is, I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust myself to be a girlfriend. I didn't trust myself to stay in a committed
relationship. l'd spent my teenage years whoring around and i never ever thought that my dream man would waltz into my life in my early twenties. I just... Wasn't prepared.

Back to the present, I continued to glare at the page in front of me. I wanted to get some work done but my brain was too rattled to focus on anything. Once I started reading, my mind drifted back to Jisoo. I was getting highly distracted and it was making me angry.

Hanbin was here because he wanted to meet Jisoo but he was at the gym.

I tried reading again.

While it is in theory quite useful to have a summary of the values of all the assets owned by an enterprise... Jisoo must be on the bench press... Grunting... Groaning.. Sweating... Muscles bulging.

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. I shut the book and
dropped it on the table in front of me. I give up.

I looked up to see Hanbin, staring at me with his arms crossed.

"Can I say something or are you going to glare at me again?"

I leaned back on the couch and exhaled loudly, "You will talk either way." I stared up at the ceiling.

"Well, true." I could sense him smiling.

"Hanbin?"

"Hm?

"Have you ever been in love?" I turned my head to him. He seemed to be caught off guard by my question and I watched as he shut his eyes for a second before nodding.

"Yeah. Sophomore year. High school. Kim Ye-rin." He looked away from me almost as if he didn't want to talk about it.

We fell into the lap of comfortable silence again. I didn't want to pester him to tell me his story if he didn't want to.

He laid down on the couch, long Jean clad legs stretching.

"She was the love of my life. We were the typical cliche
badboy-good girl couple. She was the first girl to ever make me want to settle down, you know? And goddamn, I loved her. Before her, it was just.... Meaningless flings and short term girlfriends. I was the playboy of the school. But it changed when I met her. We started dating soon and I thought I was ready for it, you know? But God, was I wrong. I have no excuses for what I did. I still continued to party ,do drugs and all that shit. I cheated on her. Multiple times. It's like.... Like I didn't realize what I was doing. I fucked up. Big time. I lost the one girl who meant the world to me because I was too foolish
and ignorant to realise what I was doing. God, I broke her."