outcast ; eddie munson

- 19 ; realisations

"Quit staring at me." Eddie laughs, playfully pushing my face away.

"No, you're pretty." I smile, giving Eddie a quick kiss on the cheek again.

We were both high, as usual, just laying there together and talking about whatever popped into our head, like pigeons being spies or how broccoli is the best vegetable.

The new topic at hand, Eddie's face.

"What?" he laughs again, not believing me.

"I said you're pretty, Eddie." I repeat myself, making sure he knows.

He turns away for a moment to try and play it cool and cover his smile, but I could see what my words had done to him. It was as if it was the first time anyone had ever complimented him.

"Sorry, it's just that nobody's ever said that to me before." he says thoughtlessly, shrugging a little.

It's a little unbelievable.

Maybe it was all the weed clouding my brain but in that moment, Eddie was quite literally the most perfect person I'd ever seen in my life.

"Then I'm gonna start saying it every day, because it's true." I tell him, certain.

Then there's a little pause.

"Val."

"Mhm?"

"Sometimes I think you're honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'm serious."

...

The highlight of every day is talking to Eddie, sometimes I swear we're inseparable.

I like whatever we have going on, this whole best friends who kiss thing, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder what it would be like if we were more than best friends.

I get carried away in my thoughts sometimes, and I have to snap myself back to reality, we're just friends.

I was laying in bed staring up at my beloved Matt Dillon poster, trying to ignore the realisation that I like Eddie and he probably doesn't feel the same. I mean, sure, Eddie and I kiss a lot but what if that's all he wants? Just to kiss, never to actually be with me.

God, this is frustrating.

I'm going for a walk.

I needed to clear my head so I quickly slipped on some shoes and opened my window up. I stuck my head out first and glanced down at the height I had to climb down, the ladder still positioned directly to my window from the last time Eddie had snuck in.

Maybe I'm starting to understand Eddie's fear of heights.

My hands gripped tightly onto the cold steel of the ladder as I made my way onto the first step, already regretting my choice when I realised how wobbly it was.

I began to climb down, trying my hardest not to think about it that much, if I fell then I'd probably break my back, that's no big deal!

I felt an immediate sense of relief when my feet reached solid ground, I was slightly surprised I hadn't fallen off, but now it was time to find somewhere to go.

There was a little forest trail fairly nearby my house, it led down to Lovers' Lake which seemed like a good place to sit down with my thoughts.

So, Lover's Lake it is.

Once I began to set out on my walk, I realised that maybe I should've brought a flashlight with me. It's fine.

I had this little spot at Lovers' Lake where I liked to go to draw sometimes, it was pretty much my spot, my safe space.

And although my walk was an attempt to clear my mind, it was almost impossible with that one interrupting thought that kept returning just to torment me, Eddie. It had never really fully set in that I like him until now, and now I'm stuck not knowing what I'm supposed to do now.

I can't tell him because I have no idea whether he likes me back or not, there's no point risking my friendship with him when I don't even have confirmation that he might feel the same way I do.

But it's stupid I even feel this way. I like kissing him but I just can't help but want more than that. I want him to show me off in public, I want to write him stupidly sappy love letters, I want to kiss him without caring if anyone sees. I want to be his, not just his best friend who he kisses sometimes.

It hurts a little to realise that.

Twigs snapped under my shoes as I made my way through the darkness of the forest trail, blissfully ignorant to my surroundings, I didn't particularly want to run into anyone because I'd be questioned about what I was doing out this late. Oh, you know, just casually realising I'm in love with my best friend.

I was at the edge of the forest, finally approaching the grassy clearing that bordered Lovers' Lake. The stars seemed so much more vibrant than usual, I spent a little while just staring up at them before continuing on my journey.

The lake looked so much prettier at this time of night so my eyes seemed to be fixed to the sky as I approached the usual spot I'd sit at.

The minute I looked back down I saw a flicker of light, like it was coming from a lighter, and then I saw someone sitting in my spot.

☆ ☆ ☆

AUTHOR'S NOTES: this chapter is basically just valerie being an oblivious wreck

i have so many fun ideas for the next few chapters i'm very much excited to start writing them 😇 u guys will have to wait and see

hope ur all enjoying so far and tysm for 150k reads?? the amount of support on this book has been surreal ty all sm <33