Why Choose Halaal?

Accept or Deny

Chapter 3

I and habibi continued on communicating afterwards. On the other hand, I muted the sister fillah GC. I still felt bad and wasn't ready to talk to them. Until one day, someone came looking for me in our house. It was one of my sisters in deen.

"Assalaamu'alaykum, ukhtiy."

"'Alaykumussalam." I replied civilly. We were alone on our living room. "What brought you here?" I asked straightforwardly. It didn't feel okay responding to them on messenger, much more in person.

She timidly looked around at first perhaps to check if the coast was clear. Then she looked at me and spoke. "On behalf of the others, I apologize if we hurt you with what we did. We didn't mean to cause you any pain. Allah knows that, ukhtiy. I hope you can forgive us."

I was silent. I felt the sincerity emanating from her eyes but I was tongue-tied.

"We are sisters fillah, remember? We only love for our sister what we love for ourselves. That's imaan, ukhtiy. And we always strive for that."

"So you love to be judged then?"

She was taken aback with what I said. "What do you ... astagfirullah ukhtiy." She shook her head harshly. "We were not judging you. Astagfirullah. We never intend to do such thing."

I exhaled to somehow lessen the pressure I was feeling within. "You didn't know me 3 years ago. You didn't know how habibiy changed me into who I am now. He helped me get closer to Allah. How can you say that our relationship is Haram?"

I saw on his face that she had a hard time responding to what I said. Eventually, she found the words to speak. "Ukhtiy, I apologize if you felt judged by us but I am not apologizing for what we said. Allah has laws, you know that. We dont accept some of His laws and reject the others depending on what pleases us. As believers, we should always "hear and obey" even when the wisdom of His rules are vaguely known to us. We trust Allah. We trust Him more than anybody else."

"I trust Allah. And as much as I can, I am trying to obey Him. Cant you understand my point? Habibi is getting me close to Him."

"But ukhtiy, taking a boyfriend is Haram."

"Zina is Haram but not taking boyfriends. Where in the Quran prohibits it? Don't be absurd. You're being an extremist."

I saw her inhale and exhale. Perhaps, I was getting in her nerve too.

"I am not being an extremist. Yes zina is Haram, but Allah said Laa taqrabuz zina, ukhtiy. Do not come close to zina, ukhtiy. It's not just zina that is being prohibited, but the roads that take us to it. And don't we believe that prevention is better than cure? Not taking a boyfriend is preventing us from taking zina."

I folded my arms. I still didnt want to bulge. "We are far from committing Zina. I and habib know our priorities. We got dreams. We will never reach that point of committing a major sin."

"I just hope so ukhtiy. But remember how Shaytan made the ancient people worship statues and images? He initially just wanted them to create a symbol to remember good men. But you know what happened. These people eventually worshipped the images they made. They committed shirk. Shaytan's tactics never changed. This time he is making you think that your habib is making you remember Allah, the next time you might be on the verge of forgetting Allah. Na'udhubillah ukhtiy. We should guard ourselves from his whispers even when his words appeal to our hearts."

"I am not telling you to leave him. I just want to clarify the misconceptions about halal love. If you cant imagine life without him, why don't you get married?"

I rolled my eyes. "Good thing you asked because we are really getting married! Your sermon is useless."

"When?"

"I don't know. Maybe in 2 years, 4, 5. He promised! That's all that matters. I trust him. Now, I'm sorry but you have to leave. I still have something else to do for school."

She sighed. I just cant stand her any longer. She's just making me mad minute by minute. She's not making sense to me.

"Thank you for you time and I apologize for the trouble I, we, have caused you. Assalaamu'alaykum."

"'Alaykumussalam." Then I walked back to my room even before she walked out the door.

To be continued ...