Why Choose Halaal?

True Colors

Chapter 7

A week after I bumped into habibi's sister, I came to their house as promised. I brought pizza to share and Ferrero for her. We weren't just catching up but also celebrated habibi's successful thesis defense. Finally, the paper to be posted on the university bulletin board was all we were waiting for and he will surely be marching this march.

We were having a good time in their salah while watching the last few episodes of Game of Thrones. It was past 5 when we ended the series. Habibi looked outside the window and was surprised.

"It's only past five but it's already dark outside." Just after that, a rumble of loud thunder was heard.

"Subhanallah!" I exclaimed as I heard his sister shout in surprise.

"It's going to rain pretty soon. I need to drive you home now." Habibi said. He stood up and was about to walk out of the sala.

"I'm not going home," I said.

He stopped walking and turned to me.

"Sleepover!" I heard his sister yell. "I have Avenger's Endgame on my lappy, ate! We can do a movie marathon tonight. It would be fun! Please stay in my room. Please? Please?" She started pleading with me to stay.

But habibi cut her enthusiasm. "Habiba has a duty tomorrow morning at 7am. She can't stay here tonight. Maybe some other night." He explained on my behalf.

"No. I will stay. I'm really not going home. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever."

Habibi froze. But after a few seconds, he burst to laugh. "Habiba! You almost got me there! It's too early for a graduation prank. Bad girl!" He pinched my face but I moved his hands away.

"I'm not joking. I'm really staying here with you. With your family." I was dead serious. His sister was about to say something.

"You go to your room." He told her. His voice was full of authority and his sister left us immediately.

Habibi then sat on the sofa adjacent to where I was.

"What are you thinking? Do you have problems at home? Did your brother bully you again? Are your parents mad at you?" He asked me without pausing.

I raised my hand. "No. This isn't about them. It's about us. I'm doing this for us."

"You can't stay here, habiba. Uncle will be mad at me." He was referring to my father. "And besides, this is wrong. I'm the one who is supposed to go to your house."

But you're not doing it even if I'm already telling you! I wanted to speak to his face.

"Wait. Is this ... are you pregnant?!" He started accusing me. "Is that the reason why you're rushing our marriage? You're bearing a child of ..."

I wasn't able to control myself. I slapped him.

He turned to me with annoyance all over his face. "What was that for?"

His voice made me shiver. I was supposed to be mad but then I suddenly felt scared by how he looked at me. "I.. I'm... sorry. I didn't mean it." I apologized. "I'm not pregnant. How could you even accuse me of that?"

I was heartbroken. How?! Subhanallah. I can't believe this love of my life could even think ill of me.

"Then what are you thinking?! Is this about what your friends told you again? Didn't we already speak about this?!" He stood up and started pacing. He was trying to control the pressure he was feeling inside.

Looking at how he was acting, the firmness I had earlier when I planned to do this melted. But can I surrender? I'm already here.

"Yes we talked about it already. But you don't understand my point."

"I understand your point, habiba. But cant you wait? I already told you that I am sure of you. I promised that I will marry you. Cant you trust me?!"

"I trust you, habibi of course. But ..." My voice began to shake. "We aren't even sure of waking up tomorrow yet we delay repentance to the far future. What if we die tonight? In yawmul Qiyamah, we will be hating each other as much as we loved each other Haramly in this world."

He stopped pacing. Inhaled and exhaled. Then turned to me. "I get your point, habiba. But we are too young for marriage. We aren't yet earning even a centavo for ourselves. I want to give you the best family that you deserve. But with us struggling financially? How can I make a queen out of you if I'm not capable myself to provide for your needs? We need to be practical. We need to think not just of ourselves but of our future family."

Warmth enveloped my heart due to the words he spoke. I felt how habibi loved me so much. But would it be enough? Is it the only kind of love he can afford me? I thought I deserved the best kind of love.

What he said made sense to me, but still, it didn't erase the fact that we are sinning as long as we are keeping our relationship. His end was beautiful but shouldn't the means justify the end and not the other way around?

I reached for my bag and stood up to face him. "I'm not sure if you changed from being the man who always pushed me to be closer to Allah. Or ..." I let my disappointment be apparent on my face. " ... it is only now that your true colors showed."

I walked out of their house into the dark atmosphere the bad weather brought. Just as much as how heavy the clouds looked like in the sky that day, so was my heart.

To be continued ...