Lunar

07 | Warm

I wake up in my room, my skin still warm from someone's innocent touch. 

A deep pain radiates from my left hand. I look down at my arm to find my palm bandaged and bloodied. It throbs with a vicious anger. 

But it looks like someone took care of me. The wrapping of my wound seems to have been done gently and with loving care.

A chill reaches my aching body, depleting all the warmth I felt before from his touch. I look towards my bedroom window. It is propped open, allowing the room's translucent curtains to move smoothly across the windowsill with the evening breeze.

I use my right hand to throw my blue quilt from my body. I gently push myself off the bed and quietly make my way to the window. I slump over the opening, my shoulder resting painfully on the sharp white pane. 

Sadness begins to well in my eyes, and I can't help but cry into the night. 

I don't understand what I experienced, and I don't understand how I feel about it. It wasn't a dream, but how could it have been real? Did I really stand a chance with those horrifying creatures? I don't understand how I became so protective and confident in that moment, and I don't understand why I still feel so proud now.

But this confusion is not why I cry so deeply to the moon. Nor do I cry for what I've done or for the pain my body feels.

It's all too much for me to handle alone. 

And so, I cry for him.

I might not understand anything that's happened since I've met him, or anything that's happened to me since I've met him, but I do understand one thing, and I'm going to cling to that through it all: I have fallen inescapably and irreparably in love with Bennett, and I'll never be the same.

Whether I've gone crazy or not, I don't care. All I want... all I need is him.

"Ben," I whisper between my sobs. I cover my eyes with my bandaged hand, allowing my heavy tears to be soaked up by the off-white cloth. I hear a rustle coming from the tree line beyond my house, but I can't bear to open my wet, tired eyes. "Ben," I whisper once more, my chapped lips burning each time his name escapes my lips.

I grasp onto my arms.  I don't know how to stop this feeling. I so desperately need something to hold onto, or else I fear I will collapse in on myself.

"I'm sorry," a voice calls out from below me. "I'm sorry," he repeats, all choked up. 

I look away from my hand to see him standing beneath my window. The moonlight caresses his angel face, revealing all his beauty in the night glow. I can hardly take it. He cries with me, his face now marred by distress. 

My heart aches for him. All I want is to be in his arms. I wish so badly to end his tears.

"I don't even know what to say except I'm sorry." He runs a tortured hand through his hair. "I can't believe I let this happen. Look what I did to you!" He shouts angrily, gesturing towards my injured hand. 

He didn't do this to me. I did this to myself. And now look at what I'm doing to him.

I torment him. 

"You... you didn't do anything," I call out, my voice shaky and unsure. 

He chuckles for a moment between his sobs. "You're right, I didn't do anything. I should've protected you! But I didn't! And look what happened. I hurt you." He covers his face with his hands. Every tear that slips from his eyes stabs at my heart.

I hate myself. I hate that I've done this to him. I hate that I hurt myself, and he's blaming himself for it.

"Stop it!" I cry out, desperate. "Please, stop. I can't take it." I retreat from my window and move to the other side of my room, holding myself up against the wall. 

I can't handle seeing him beat himself up... especially because of me. It was my decision and mine alone to do this to myself. He wouldn't have been able to stop me. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had done nothing.

But now I'm in anguish seeing him like this.

"Please... please don't cry for me," I somehow force out, my voice strangled and raspy.

It's all too much for me to take in at once. Black dots taint my vision as I begin to slump towards the ground. I brace myself for a painful impact with the floor.

But then he catches me. 

"Bennett," I breathe, his hands carefully wrapping around my frame. I love to be held by him. He pulls my head into his neck and gently caresses my tangled hair. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers into my ear. His hand caresses my head, and I let out a sigh.

My body is warm again with his touch, the cold evening breeze melting in his hands. 

"Don't be," I answer his apology. "I don't understand all that happened," I continue, sinking deeper into his hot chest, "but I do know you have nothing to be sorry for." I finally pull my arms around him, carefully accepting his embrace. I can't let him slip away.

I love his touch. I can't get enough of it.

"I... I feel like I have some things I need to explain to you," he whispers into my hair before pulling away from me.

I suddenly feel cold again.

He takes my left hand, holding it gently between his. He places a small kiss on my bandaged palm. "You should probably sit. You have had a scary day, and I'm worried about you."

He's worried about me?

"Okay." I give in so easily to him. 

I take a seat on the edge of my bed.

"I don't want to overwhelm you, but you deserve some explanation," he kisses my palm again and sits next to me. Even seated, he towers over me. 

"You won't overwhelm me. I just... would like to know what's going on. Or at least however much you understand." I whisper.

He lets out a heavy and sad sigh. "I'm sorry, Lanie, that I'm dragging you into this... dragging you into my world. But I don't want to spend another second without you," he says with a serious and pained expression painted across his face.

I lose my breath at his last sentence.

Might he feel as strongly about me as I do about him?

"I know that's selfish, and I'm sorry, Lanie, I'm so sorry. I just... can't be without you... separated by our two worlds like this. I hope you'll accept me as I am and where I come from. If you dont want to be part of my world, that's okay, and I can accept that, however much it'll hurt."

"Ben," I grab onto his arm, "you can drag me into any world you want as long I get to be with you," I answer honestly. "I mean that."

He cracks a smile in the dark, but I can sense the pain behind it. I wish so badly to ease it.

"What is your world?"