Girls Will Be Boys

Then

2012.

I awoke to the sound of gospel music playing from the kitchen and the smell of bacon cooking. My parents were laughing together—something I hadn't heard in a while, and something I didn't expect to hear on a Sunday. My dad was severely bipolar and for some odd reason his worst days tended to fall on Sundays. My mum said it was because he wasn't ready for the new week to start yet and he was upset that the weekend was over. I wasn't so sure about this theory, however, because my dad didn't do anything during the weekdays anyway.

I left my room groggily and met Dani in the living room. A church service was playing on the TV and was nearing its finish, judging by the emotional music and teary-eyed preaching from the pastor. Neither Dani nor I spoke, but we both anxiously waited for the church service to end so that we could watch the Sunday morning special which would be featuring our favourite rock group, Trinity. But by the time the service ended, Mum and Dad had finished cooking breakfast and called us into the kitchen to pray together. I didn't dare rush things but I really wanted to see Trinity on the Sunday morning show, and I really didn't want to miss a single second of it.

After our prayer—a very slow one full of praise from my overexcited father—we returned to the living room together to eat our breakfast.

"Can we watch the Sunday morning show?" Dani asked quickly as our father picked up the remote control. "Our favourite band is going to be on it!"

My father happily switched over the channels as the Sunday morning show's theme started. He seemed so energetic today, maybe he could finally see what Dani and I were so excited about and why we loved Trinity so much.

"... And later this morning," the show's host announced, "Trinity—the triple threat trio talks about their return to stardom as rockstars after nearly a decade as members of the 12-piece pop-group, the Charm Girls."

"¿Se llaman Trinity?" my dad asked, suddenly not so keen to watch any more. Dani and I tensed but didn't take our eyes off of the screen. Maybe if we didn't acknowledge his question we could move on from it. Their name is Trinity? He looked over at my mum then, somehow irritated, and then turned to us. "Why are they called Trinity? Are they singers of the gospel? If no, then they are blasphemous."

Dani and I shrug our shoulders, still tense. We just wanted everyone to quiet down and watch the show. We barely had internet access and this was the most we could hear about Trinity outside of our secret radio-listening sessions late at night on our MP3 players.

My dad turned again to my mother. "¿Sabías que escuchan la música del diablo?" he asked her. Did you know that they listen to the devil's music? Sometimes I wondered if my dad knew I understood Spanish as well as I did. He often switched languages when he wanted to talk about people behind their backs, and although Dani knew very little Spanish, I'd grown up hearing it and always knew what my dad was saying.

Our family was an evangelical one. My mother was a widow and missionary from the UK who had lost her husband at a young age. She then met my father in Mexico on a mission trip—that was sixteen years ago. They married within months of meeting one another and then began travelling the world to spread the gospel wherever they could. My older brother was just a toddler at the time and grew up with a strong dislike of travel. I was born into it, however, so life on the road was almost second nature to me. We spent a lot of time in Asia, where we learnt Korean, Japanese, and Mandarin Chinese, and Tallis and I became fairly adept at speaking them. We were strictly homeschooled and didn't spend a lot of time with other children outside of church. Even when we did make friends, we never spent long enough in one location to develop long-lasting relationships with others.

"They're a Christian band, yes," my mother said to my father. "The Charm Girls had a worship album for Christmas back in 2004, remember?" Dani and I nodded our heads desperately in response to this, hoping that our dad wouldn't change the channel.

We continued watching the show for a while, waiting for the final segment in which Trinity would appear. The amount of commercials leading up to this seemed infinite and I was afraid that my dad would lose interest and turn off the TV.

Finally, it was time for Trinity's segment on the show. Dani and I smiled excitedly. The girls were so pretty, dressed in black with combat boots, goth-style jewellery, and shaggy haircuts. I was convinced that if I could change anything about myself, I would want to look like them. They looked so pretty and I couldn't pick which member was my favourite, nor which one was dressed the coolest. Dani and I watched so intently, our eyes glued to the TV screen and our ears hanging on to every last word the girls said.

Then suddenly the TV screen changed right before our eyes.

"I don't like how they're dressed," my dad said. He held the remote control in his hand casually and switched around to different channels. "I don't want my girls to become influenced by girls who dress like that. They look like they belong on the streets."

Dani and I didn't argue with him, just took our empty plates to the kitchen to start cleaning up. I loved how Trinity dressed. I loved their music. They were everything that I wanted to be. But I could never let my parents know how I really felt.

Maybe I would grow out of it.