Girls Will Be Boys

Then

'2012 Britain's Next Boy Band Audition' E-mail Confirmation

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for submitting your application for the '2012 Britain's Next Boy Band Audition'.

Below is the information you will need for the audition:

Audition Venue: Millennium Stadium, Cardiff

Address: 24-26 Newport Road

Cardiff City Centre

CF24 0DD

Audition Date: 12 April 2012, Thursday

Audition Time: 13.00 (You MUST arrive on time and have filled out a registration form on that day in order to be given a number for the audition.)

Remember,

1. You can only apply once for this audition.

2. There are no group auditions for singers or dancers.

3. Auditions take place, rain or shine! If you are late, someone else will be given your place, so please BE ON TIME.

We truly appreciate your interest and hope to see you soon.

Best of luck!

Sincerely,

The BNBB Auditions Team

I read and reread the e-mail. My heart was pounding, and every time I thought I heard my parents driving into the garage, my whole body quaked.

I had no idea how I was going to explain this to them. Over and over, I went through ideas in my head about what I might go about telling them, how I might explain it all to them. "Mum, Dad, I auditioned for a UK boys-only competition, and I've been invited to audition in person in Cardiff... only I have to be dressed like a boy because I auditioned as one."

Ridiculous. But, then again, my mother always told me how much she wanted me to find something that I was passionate about and to pursue it as best as I could. Maybe this wouldn't be so weird to her.

Oh, who was I kidding? Yes, it would be weird to her. And, more than that, my father would tell me what a terrible and sinful idea it was. God made me special and why should I want to change what he made so perfectly for His plan? Don't be so selfish as to change who you are, my father's voice in my head was telling me. But what if this was God's plan for me?

I left my computer and walked to the kitchen, singing loudly as I went because it was one of the rare times that I got to spend home alone. I needed all of the practise I could get at this point but I was too shy to sing when anyone else was around. My voice shook when I tried to hit a high note, and I attempted to drink a glass of water but I struggled to get it down. I wondered if this is how I would feel at the actual audition venue in Britain... and I wondered if I would even get the chance to see that audition venue in-person.

Then the family car drove into the driveway, and I choked on my water and nearly dropped my glass onto the kitchen floor.

After about an hour of waiting, my mother finally came out from her room, all fresh and showered. She seemed oblivious to the fact that I was about to quiver right out of my skin. As oblivious as she seemed, however, I knew that she was perfectly aware that something was up.

She walked with me into the kitchen. "I figured we could make pizzas tonight," she told me, "Dad is going to pick up your sister from work in a little bit, pizzas should be done by the time they get back." She pulled out a cookbook and found the recipe for pizza dough. Without looking up from the piece of paper, she asked: "So, what's up with you, Immo?"

I froze for a moment. Then I couldn't help but smile, a bit embarrassed, down at the ground. Mum looked up at me, waiting. "I want to take dance lessons," I said. I don't know why I said that, but I was too scared to tell her the truth in the end. Asking for dance lessons was honest enough for me, I figured. She knew that I had somewhat of an interest in it.

Mum looked back down at the recipe. "Oh!" she said softly before turning away to open the pantry. "What sort of dancing?"

Suddenly, I didn't know what to say. "I guess maybe jazz dancing..." I said, "O-or maybe hip-hop."

"Jazz or hip-hop?" Mum asked, pulling out a can of tomato sauce from the pantry. "You like jazz and hip-hop?" she asked, nonchalantly.

"I figured I could give it a shot, you know, just to see how it goes," I explained, feeling awkward. "Taliesin suggested I try it out," I added quickly, just to make it sound a bit more authentic to her. I actually hadn't talked to my brother in a while.

Mum continued pulling ingredients out and setting them onto the table. "And is your brother going to pay for those dance lessons?" she asked. She looked at me and smirked a bit as she asked this. I didn't know what to tell her after that. Money was always tight in our family and I forgot that the idea of taking any classes whatsoever was unrealistic and would almost always be rejected. Why did I choose this lie again? Why was I lying in the first place? Stupid.

Silence passed between my mother and me for a few seconds before Mum spoke again. "Is this the reason you wanted all those boys' clothes?" she asked. I looked out the window over the sink. In a way, yes, that was the reason. But I knew that she knew it wasn't the whole truth. She just didn't seem interested in talking about the real reason, being that I didn't feel comfortable showing off my feminine qualities and preferred to keep my body as hidden as possible.

I answered her simply, however: "Yeah," I said, shrugging.

Mum began to wash the few dishes that had been in the sink, and I started cleaning off the kitchen table. We didn't say much else. But my heart continued pounding at the thought of my audition invitation and the exciting concept that I could be in the United Kingdom a few weeks from now auditioning for my favourite music label, Mockingbird Entertainment. However, what was making my heart pound more than anything else was the anxiety about how and when I would find the confidence to sneak off to Wales to audition for something I could very well fail miserably.