ASTRONOMY → ROBIN BUCKLEY.

letter 1/20

10th june, 1985
dear friend,

some things are better when they're not said.

my aunt said those words before she died and those words keep repeating in my head. it pisses me off, still does. my aunt was everything to me and she left me, like everyone does. she was my light, my safe place.

the only light i have in my life now is nancy and she's about to give up on me too. you see, she thought that i was the one spreading rumors about her and i dating.

this caused the whole school to be against her, she stopped being friends with me for a while after the rumors had gotten big. me and nancy only kissed because she was drunk.

i was the only one who knew. apparently not because it got out. after the rumors had subsidied, she finally talked to me again.

i was so happy when she did, no, seriously, i was on my feet dancing. she didn't see it though, it was fun.

my mom called me down to eat breakfast. today was the last day of school, i didn't want to go but for nancy, i did. i didn't know what i was feeling with her, maybe it was love, maybe it was hate.

my life was hopeless, i woke up tired then went to sleep tired. i was tired all day. i couldn't breathe every second, people came up to me asking the stupidest of questions.

are you and wheeler dating? if you are, that's disgusting.

fag!

fucking bitch. doesn't know how to do shit.

that wasn't even half of the things i get in a day. i get more. today, i got a new one. i think it's getting old, i'm used to it. today's one is my favorite.

girl kisser loves fucking!

i loved when people ignored me, the insults were just voices that i couldn't care about until my favorite part of my day came, i saw nancy but she didn't spare me a glance.

i sighed in despair. "hey, nai."

"hi, juni. what's up with you this morning?" the girl smiled at me in her seat. "oh, nothing. just the usual insulting,"

"y'know, you really should do something about it. it's bad receiving insults every day," nai gave me a light-tipped smile.

"it's alright. i'm used to it," nai was going to say something else but we heard the teacher's heels clack loudly against the tiled floor.

her heels annoyed me every minute of that lesson, can't she be more considerate? it's pissing me off.

"i know, right?" someone spoke beside me. i turned to agree with them but holy shit was it my first kiss.

robin buckley was the girl i was going to fall head over heels for and i didn't even know that then. my head felt dizzy and i fainted.

"holy- mrs. clicks? juniper just fainted!" she spoke in that raspy voice of hers, but it was faint. god, am i being ironic right now? shit.

the other voices got blurring in my head except for hers, i could hear her perfectly. i nodded to her words after she told me i was going to the nurse's.

nai must be smirking right now. god, i wanted to kill her.

when i woke up, someone was beside me, i knew because they were holding my hand. "she's awake!" the voice yelled, leaving me cold without their warmth.

i reached out for it and it came back. "you like holding my hands, huh? dammit, you probably can't hear me. that's good,"

"nope, i heard you perfectly." i heard myself say. she cursed, "damn, i thought you didn't hear me."

someone came in, almost breaking the door. nai ran towards us and took me into her arms. "i thought you were dead! thank god,"

robin left the room after nai came in, causing a sad feeling to run over my face for a moment. "hey.. you okay?" nai asked. i nodded, laying my head back on the soft pillow.

the school nurse came to us and gave me ice. "here, take that and leave."

nai took the ice and slammed it to the ground. "the hell's ice gonna do?! melt her?"

"miss, you know you can receive detention for what you just did."

"yeah because you're fucking the principal. everyone knows. no need to rub it in our faces," nai took my arm and helped me walk out the room.

she saw robin walk towards us. "wanna skip for the rest of school?" the buckley girl asked. nai smiled between us, giving me to robin who helped me.

it was the last day anyway, it's not like we're going to miss anything. so, i nodded. she mostly took my weight which i was grateful for. she didn't even care and just helped me into her car.

i was in the backseat so i could lay down for a while until she drove to where she wanted us to go. i hummed to love my way by the psychedelic furs as she drove.

she bopped her head to my humming, tapping her fingers on the wheel. she drove with one hand, i was very scared she would cause us to crash but that never happened.

she stopped. i sat up and we were at a forest? she got out of the car and helped me out. "a forest? why?"

she shrugged. "i don't know, just felt like it." she took my hand and pulled me along, did i mention i was warm everywhere? my cheeks were red as ever.

after walking for a few minutes, she turned to me. my cheeks were a bit rosy still due to the breeze that brushed by so quickly.

"are your cheeks always pink in color?" she asked, staring curiously at my perfect rose color. i nodded, there was no reason to lie.

"cool." what. that's all?

we continued on walking, our fingers still intertwined until she asked another question. what is up with the questions?! "why'd you kiss me in that bathroom?"

"why not?" i took a few steps forward, her breath hitched as we were inches apart now. "it- it's just that-"

"what? just what?"

she looked down. "it's just that i wanna know why you would kiss the weird band kid who's been a lesbian half her life?"

"ahh, that question." i took a few steps back, she let go a breath she didn't know she was holding in. "well, i just did it."

"what?" my reaction when you just said cool when you could've said anything else. "i just did it. what part do you not get?"

"i get it. just- that's it?"

"yeah. duh. why else would i kiss you?" dick move, juni. dick move.

she looked down again. "i don't know."

i sat down on the untrimmed grass, pretending to snip them. robin sat beside me, fidgeting with her fingers. "juniper, i have a question."

"shoot,"

"do you like me? platonically." i nodded, picking a daffodil and blowing its soft cotton away. "yeah,"

"good." one word replies, really? this girl has something going on with her. "that's all you're really gonna say?"

"what do you want me to say?" she asked accusingly, crossing her arms on her chest. "i don't know," i spoke, looking forward to the sun which was slowly falling west.

we fell silent after. i laid my head on her shoulder softly as to not alarm her. to my surprise, she didn't mind. in fact, she put her head on mine.

we sat there, enjoying each other's presence and for some reason, i wished it didn't end as quickly as it did.

love always,
juniper