ASTRONOMY → ROBIN BUCKLEY.

letter 5/20

15th august, 1985
dear friend,

i'm gay.

that's a weird way to start this letter but hello, my name's juniper rhodes and i am queer as fuck. my life is honestly such a wreck that i've come to acknowledge i'm gay.

yesterday, john and steve almost kissed?!

here's the context. we were playing a game in mike's basement, basically like truth or dare but if you don't want to do a truth or dare, you do a punishment.

will confessed he's gay, mike as well. steve admitted he had a crush on someone in the room, max and lucas kissed for a dare. dustin and el watched them with a death glare. robin and i watched them almost kill each other.

"get your boyfriend off my girlfriend!" el shouted.

dustin rolled his eyes. "get your girlfriend off my boyfriend!"

they had a whole argument about just that before max and lucas pulled them away from each other.

then john had the dare to have seven minutes in heaven with steve, they admitted nothing happened but john told me steve was so close to him until we opened the door.

dammit, i was shipping them. mike and will were very suspicious during this whole game; cuddling, laughing, being all cute.

i noticed robin glancing at me a few times. john nudged me in the middle of the game, asking if i wanted something to eat or drink.

i nodded, asking for sour patch kids and a sprite. he quickly went upstairs to get it along with steve.

in the present, i wonder if i do have feelings for robin. the way she hugged me goodbye yesterday was a minute too long for friendship, the way she looked at me every time i smiled at her.

i only had that smile reserved for her and her eyes only. she was so cute the entire game, holding on to my pinky finger.

even though she had the advantage of being taller than me, i had the advantage of having big hands. everyone thought that my hands fit me but if i'm being honest, it's always been one of my insecurities.

normally, a short person would have small hands. it's the opposite for me. i've come to terms with my big hands and i don't care at this point. it's not like i change it.

i skate around town, going to ms byers' store. even though it's not technically her store, she's basically the only one there so i just call it that.

ms byers is one of my most favorite older people i know, she's like a mother to everyone she meets. she's such kind soul who touches everyone's hearts.

i reach the store, kicking up my skateboard. my footsteps echoing in the large store, ms byers waving at me at the cashier. "hello, juniper. come to get something?"

i nodded, fidgeting with my keychain in my pocket. "yep," ms byers smiled at me before going back to her work. i wandered in the store, looking for food and other things.

i spotted the flour and saw someone somewhat beside me. "honey?" i called out to them. she looked to my direction. "oh, juniper. what're you doing here?"

"just looking around," i spoke, checking the flour.

she chuckled. "what are the odds of us meeting again?"

i chuckled along with her. "none really,"

she came near next to me, patting me on the shoulder. "see you next time,"

i smiled at her, watching her go to ms byers to pay. "who was that?"

i jumped. "who the fu- oh, hi robin. how are you?"

she still remained the stern look. "who was that?" i raised my eyebrows and sighed. "just a friend, honey cole is her name. you know her?"

she shook her head. "never," she took my skateboard from me, going behind me, basically towering over me. "you making cake?"

"nope, just some cookies. i wanna experiment,"

she looked confused. "why?"

"make my own recipe," she understood when i said that. "oh, okay. can i join? i don't have anything to do right now,"

i nodded. "why not,"

she waited for me to pay. "let's go,"

once we reached my house, we placed down the things to get started.

she kept looking at me when i was explaining what to do and she almost dropped the pan as she was putting it in the oven. i smacked her in the head when she did so.

we were watching the outsiders while we waited for the cookies to bake. i could still feel her gaze burning into my face. "what do you want?" i turned to her.

"nothing. you're pretty. what, i can't appreciate a pretty face?" robin boldly asked. i shook my head in irritatance. "no, it's just annoying. stop it,"

"what if i don't want to?"

when will she stop? this is a nightmare. i glanced back at the tv without replying. i heard her huff, crossing her arms over her chest.

the timer rang throughout the room, she said she'd get it and told me to relax since i did most of the work, which was true. she came back with a plate filled with cookies, we ended up making chocolate chip ones instead of experimenting.

i took a bite out of one but not before blowing it. robin rested the plate on the arm in between us.

god, i wish i could tell you different but today, on this day, i have realized something.

i like robin buckley. and i don't know what to do about it.

love,
juniper

-
stan john and steve for clear skin.