Orphic - Until Dawn (Josh Washington)

☆ Chapter Twelve: I can't tell you ☆

Their footsteps echo through the halls; heavy and urgent. Doors open and close as though the rooms were being searched intently for someone - perhaps for Sam. I'm not sure but either way I make no effort to move from my position upon Josh's bed. There is no need. I don't wish to be involved or to mislead others, I'd rather stay here and wait the whole thing out.

"Anything?"

"No, I didn't see her." Chris responds worriedly to Ashley, clearly unfazed by her whiny voice.

"Well, did you check every room?"

No. I roll my eyes, shaking my head at the pair. "I didn't check Josh's room, should I?"

Oh no. I tense on the bed, curling my fingers in the fabric of the sheets with desperate hope that the two would decide ultimately against doing so. However, it's futile because within seconds of the question, familiar footsteps approach. Then, with a soft squeak of the door knob being twisted, the door creaks open, revealing my tense figure to my concerned best friend whose eyes widen the moment he finds me.

"Cora?" his brows crease while his lips dip into a frown, clearly confused by my current position. "How- when..?" he is trying to make sense of things but the truth is, he can't.

I have to lie to him about how I ended up here. Otherwise I'd be letting Josh down and betraying his trust in some way. It's hard and complicated, especially given the current situation at hand. I'd be choosing him over my friends - over my best friends; Chris and Mike.

Can I do that?

I sigh deeply while sliding myself off of the bed and placing my feet on the cold floorboards, standing upright. I look up to Chris where he stands in the doorway, his eyes meeting with mine with nothing but concern and guilt. I hate it. This isn't and never will be his fault. He is a victim here.

Damn it.

I can't stop myself. With three long and quick strides, I'm wrapping my arms around his torso and burying my face into his chest with my own guilt resting just below the surface. "I'm sorry..." I murmur against his clothing. "I'm so sorry."

His head tilts while he arms hesitantly move to embrace me tightly with confusion and further worry. "You didn't do anything wrong, Cora. I should be the one apologising. I let you and Josh down," his voice is thick and heavy with emotion causing me to shake my head firmly.

"No, you didn't let anyone down. You're an incredible friend, Chris." I want to tell him the truth, to make him understand. I want to help rid him of any guilt, regret and pain he is plagued with currently. But then I think of Josh and all he is going through and feeling and that desire to be honest wavers. My loyalty is being tested, as is my mental and emotional strength.

I can't do this. Its too much pressure. Too much to carry and hold within. I'm drowning. If I'm honest Josh may hate and resent me. But if I lie or hold onto his secret, my friends will hate me. Either way, I'd risk losing those I hold dear to my heart.

Shit, I can't breathe. My chest is burning, my heart and mind are racing. My hands are clammy, why?

Why can't I make everything better? Why can't I fix things? Why can't I be strong and confident?

I'm going to lose everything.

Please no.

"Cora, look at me." I hear Chris's voice, it's close by yet still so distant. Am I going crazy? Maybe. "Come on, breathe; in and out." He instructs me firmly whilst taking my face in his hands and tilting it upwards to look him in the eye. I watch him for a moment, my breathing no calmer. He is breathing in and out calmly, attempting to show me how to calm myself. For a moment, I almost give up trying but then his grip on my face softens and his eyes plead with me to do as instructed. He's growing desperate. "Do it with me."