Fearless

29

Lexie was eating again. Meredith wasn't quite sure how her sister managed to eat so much, but she was definitely eating again. It wasn't anything big, she was just snacking on the bag of chips that Mark had dropped in her bag before they had left, but she had just eaten thirty minutes ago, and Meredith was pretty sure she couldn't eat another thing, but apparently, Lexie at four and a half months pregnant was a lot more hungry than Lexie at three and a half months. Meredith contemplated saying something. Because she knew pregnant people tended to eat more because they were eating for two people but she wasn't exactly sure this was healthy, except yesterday Derek had said something to Meredith about her second bowl of ice cream and there had been snapping. Which would be bad considering what they were about to go do. Lexie had called her that morning at five thirty, when she was trying to fall asleep after an all night sexathon and had announced, loudly, that she needed a wedding dress. She was getting married in two months, everything else was booked, but she didn't have a wedding dress. And she needed one. Right now. Mark had grabbed the phone and had managed to explain that right now meant at noon, but still...Lexie was a crabby pregnant person. Which is why Meredith was here instead of at home with Derek when he had a day off. They had wanted to do things, something about shopping for hardwood but Lexie was hard to say no to so hardwood had to wait for another day. Which was fine because Derek wasn't about to snap at her. He just smiled and laughed and told her to play nice or something.

They were happy. In the last three and a half months, they had somehow managed to get really happy. After she had seen the hell Lexie had been through by telling her parents she was pregnant and getting married, Meredith was just happy to have Derek. Not only to have but...he was hers. He loved the ring on his left hand, and he always played along when people called her his wife. The first time it had happened she had seen the panic in his eyes but since then, he had grown accustomed to it. And he seemed thrilled about the reaction that had come about at work, the fact the nurses were finally leaving him alone. He loved being hers. Which was definitely enough. She was pretty sure she had needed something to change, and the ring had changed it all. She had been through enough torture helping to plan Lexie's wedding that any desire she had for her own was...gone. Derek was hers. They were practically married anyway, just not living together, and she was good without the piece of paper or big party or whatever. Her life with Derek was completely amazing. He was completely amazing, even when he jokingly called her honey.

And she was pretty sure that when his house was done, they'd both spend most of their nights there. He wanted her opinion on all of it and everyone else working on the house seemed to think she was going to officially live in it. Which she wasn't. At least not anytime soon but that was fine. They spent all their time together, they were in love, they were committed, it was perfect. "Lex," she frowned as her sister suddenly leaned forward and began to rummage through her bag. "What are you looking for?"

"Nothing," Lexie murmured. "Nothing."

"You're looking for something."

"Gum."

"What?"

"I'm looking for gum."

"Why are you looking for gum?"

"Because I want something minty."

"Would a peppermint be okay?" Meredith frowned, reaching into her own bag.

"That would probably work," Lexie nodded.

"Here," Meredith nodded, handing her a peppermint from her lunch the other day at work. Lexie grabbed it eagerly, unwrapped it, and then popped it in her mouth before stretching slightly. Meredith snuck a glance at the slightly swollen skin underneath her sweater and swallowed hard. Mark was always touching the bump. Lexie was always touching the bump. And Meredith couldn't help but look at it. She had never actually wanted a baby. She loved kids but she didn't know the first thing about being a mom. But she couldn't help but think about what it would be like, especially with Derek who had so clearly been a good dad. She had to wonder. And it wasn't going to happen, at least it probably would never happen. Derek hadn't ruled it out but they didn't have a lot of time. Her thirty-sixth birthday had been last month, and she couldn't help but think about all the statistics about older mothers. If she were to have a baby by the time Derek was ready, it would be more likely to get a ton of different genetic defects or have a low birth weight or be born early. So she was more or less giving it up. Except she wondered what it would be like to have Derek's baby inside her. She was pretty sure she would like it. She had no idea what it would feel like but she liked watching how Mark was around Lexie, suddenly so tender and gentle and loving. Not that Derek wasn't all of those things but the idea of carrying Derek's child had some strange appeal. Which was...insane. She was probably just going insane and she was happy. She was actually happy.