the crack of amelia kearney

crackter 1

scen 1 part 1 weird ass chips mf

Anyways so amelia made it to the 7-11 and heard the funky bell jingle. Delicious. Anyways she cha cha slid her way to the slushy serving spot thingy, grabbed a big cup, and eyed each flavour suspiciously. There was five flavours— root beer, blue raspberry, orange crush, lime, and watermelon. It looked like she was really truly deciding on which flavour to pick.

During this period of time, she heard the store bell jingle. But fuck that plotpoint— we bitches here for slushy action

Anyways, as it turned out amelias a heathen lol and she proceeded to fill up her cup with every single flavour (except for blue raspberry because ew. Fuck blue raspberry. It's garbage and no one can convince me otherwise.), slammed a lid on the slushy, got two straws (a yellow one and a red one) (huehuehue subliminal messages 😏) and then her fatass skidootled over to the chips aisle.

there, in the chips aisle was some small child or whatever who was just *soaking* wet. And covered in smelly muck. Like wtf this kid looked like he'd seen all the puddles on the road and had rolled in every single one and had accidentally rolled in dog shit by accident or something. Like how the fuck was this kid just so dirty and wet wtf. Also the child was wearing a green hoodie and beanie and a blue scarf and khakis (khakis? more like tacky's, am I right? No? Okay....)

The kid stared at amelia.

amelia stared back.

'um hi' Amelia said after a long and uncomfortable period of staring at the kid

His eyes widened and he looked at her with horror

'you shouldn't have talked to me' he said ominously

But like bitch what was Amelia supposed to do? Also why so ominous??? We're barely even a full chapter in- no need to be so damn ominous lmfao.

Amelia gave the kid a look.

"wot-" she said, confused as fuck

The kid shook his head sadly. It was almost as if he could tell what was going to happen in the chapters to come

Suddenly, the store's door bell jingled, and the unborn fetus child got spooped and ran and hid behind Amelia

Amelia was about to say something when this mf got his grubby hand and put it against Amelia's mouth to keep her quiet.

The fuck this lil bitch ass mf think he's doin?! Amelia thought.

then like a minute later the bell jingled and the person who entered left. The grubby child mf took his hand off Amelia's mouth and exhaled in relief.

Amelia was again going to say something, but this frickin child spoke before she could

'sorry but we gtg from here' he said solemnly

'bro what-' Amelia started, but this motherfuckin child interrupted her again

'Ugh, I'll explain more when we're outside, okay?! Omg, you really shouldn'tve talked to me' he said, sounding mildly irritated for like no fucking good reason

Well, Amelia didn't really feel like getting kidnapped by some scrawny seven-year-old lookin ass, but also she had nothing to live for and was bored as fuck, so she didn't see the harm in following this total stranger outside

'whatever bitch boy, lemme buy my delicious snacks and we can skideedle and cha cha slide to eternity and continue your irl ARG or whatever' Amelia said, sounding bored.

The child blinked at her in a funny way before nodding once.

Amelia nyoomed her way over to the cash register, glancing out of the big mf 7-11 windows as she did so. There, outside of the 7-11, was a black SUV.

She didn't care though because it was just a fucking car.

She pulled out a crumpled 10 dollar bill and put it and her bag of chips and slushy on the counter. The cashier counted her change and gave her like two dollars in change.

By chance, Amelia looked out the window again.

There was another fricking SUV. What. The. Shit. This was a 7-11, not a fricking funeral service. There was no reason for there to be so many black suv's. Unless it was something to do with a funeral, and one of the suv's had a casket in it and they got peckish at 1 am and stopped for snacks— wait why would a funeral be going on at 1 am?!

As Amelia's thoughts rambled on her head, a third suv pulled up. Yes, it was black.

Amelia squinted hard at the windows of one of the SUV's, and she saw two burly men in formal attire (note: they're copying everyone's favourite person ever. The difference is- he's hot, they're not xd)

Amelia panicked a bit because what the fuck was this men-in-black type bs

Using quick thinking, Amelia came up with a plan.

'yo cashier bitch, me and my lil bro have an abusive gay dad who got married to his also gay husband today but our also abusive lesbian mom didn't let us go to the wedding and now our dad is stalking us and trying to get us to congratulate him and his new husbando. Can we leave the store through the back exit to avoid him?' Amelia asked.

The cashier cocked their head at Amelia, before shrugging.

'Sure, sure, whatever.' They said.

Amelia smiled brightly.

'Thanks! Also, if my dad and his husband come in here, can you congratulate them on the wedding? It might make them stop following me and my brother.' Amelia sorta rambled or whatever

'whatever' the cashier replied

Amelia cha cha slid back into the clips aisle, yoinked the child and nyoomed out the back entrance.

there was silence in the 7-11 for a few moments, before the two burly dudes in formal attire showed up, frantically looking for the children who had been in here just seconds prior.

'congratulates on the wedding you two.' The cashier said deadpan, not even looking at the two men.

The two men looked at eachother, then at the cashier, then at eachother again.

then they left the store without a word. there was now an obvious awkward tension between the two.

meanwhile, back with Amelia and the grubby child, they were running from the store full speed like the epic swags that they were. They ran and ran and ran, with the child blindly following Amelia like a lost puppy or smth. Idk. Analogy's are hard.

soon enough, they reached the edge of a forest. They kept running.

After like another minute of running, they stopped at the base of a tree house.

'woah' the child said in child awe because kids like tree houses

the two clambered into the treehouse epicly and undaintily

once inside the treehouse, Amelia spoke

'K bitch, you got a bit o' explainin to do my g'