Jabberwocky Reviews

14: A Reign of Blood and Deceits by RuthHawthorne

@RuthHawthorne, A Reign Of Blood and Deceits

"𝐀 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞,"

The injustice amongst the four towns is stark clear, Elizabeth and the rebels plot the downfall of the King and nobles. Yet the world offers her no aid but instead stacks the odds against her. Will she defy fate and succeed? Or will it be her end?

"𝗔 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀,"

Princess of Yilore is betrothed to King Nathaniel Rosae to save her nation from the conflict of war. Will she find a way to help her people while escaping a destiny that she has no will of having? Will the future show her salvage and sympathy or abandon her as it did to the ones before her?

"𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧"

A civil war is brewing while something darker is at play. The safety of all is at stake.

For the Kingdom to prevail, choices have to be made.

𝙎𝙖𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙚. 𝙇𝙤𝙮𝙖𝙡𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙙. 𝙎𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙣.

𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜-𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙡𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮?

I feel like I missed the memo somewhere here, because last time I checked this book had more than one chapter published. I think it's under editing right now. Since I want to move along with the queue, I'm still going to write my review, but obviously this is going to be of a slightly different form. On the positive side, this does make my job a lot easier.

I think your blurb is simultaneously a bit info-dumpy but also clear about the general premise. There are some details I can infer from context, like that the "four towns" are under the domain of this king, and that there's some other political machinations going on. So I can get the general plot outline, but there are also a lot of hanging notes about "something darker" being at work or "the safety of all" being at stake that I tend to think of as implicit in most stories. I'm of the opinion that most stories have some sort of intrigue beyond what they talk about directly in the blurb without the blurb telling us "hey, something mysterious is going on here"; it's not like most people write boring, linear stories where they spoil the entire thing in the introduction. The point is that you don't have to tell us that there's something spooky going on: rely on the innate intrigue of a war between rebels and the government. Also watch your word choice—I'm not sure what "show her salvage" means.

The first chapter begins in medias res with this monster emerging, but I can't help but wonder what this had to do with the blurb. Not that some divergence isn't fine, but we weren't given any hint this was a supernatural story. This idea with the monster then transitions somewhat abruptly into an usual fantasy opening, with some dispute between guards and the local residents. This is a standard story structure—not a bad one, necessarily, but it's one I think we've all read before.

Then, of course, we get back to the monster suddenly coming and killing some people, which I think is a good fresh take on this opening idea. What I'll also say, since the time feels right, is that some bits of this feel unnecessarily froufrou word-wise. Most people don't go for "ophidian" as a natural synonym of snake, although maybe you do. I don't think it's executed badly or anything, but it's not a style that feels particularly distinctive: I'm a big fan of writing where I can look and say "ah yes, this is RuthHawthorne" and not "fantasy author #504." Read writing with unique prose styles to learn how to diversify your own writing.

I think this was a solid first chapter overall, but you also haven't given me much to work off. I don't think this was bad, but like I said, nothing stood out much. A respectable 80/100 will do. Keep up the good work!