It May Rain

Chapter Ten

I haven't seen Hugo since Saturday morning, but as soon as I walk into the office on Monday morning he's already there and greets me with a ginormous smile. It's the kind of positive attitude that seems superhuman on a Monday morning - who looks that happy to be back at work?

However this week I may also have a spring in my step.

Over the weekend I finally heard back from Magnus + Son, confirming the time and place for my interview. It'll be this coming Thursday afternoon. I'm nervous as hell, but beyond pleased that at least some progress is being made on my plan to leave this place.

It's getting worse and worse here, and I'd honestly prefer to crawl into my own bum hole than report into Jacko daily.

Hugo comes up to me as I'm making my much needed first coffee.

"Good morning, Mae. I'm loving what you're wearing today, and your hair looks as vivacious as ever. How are you on this fine Monday?"

"Morning, Hugo. I've been better. I have to report to Jacko at the end of the day which I'm dreading. How are you?" I reply sleepily. I'm barely alert let alone functioning at this time of day.

"From what I've seen, you're a more than capable employee. I bet you'll be off disciplinary action in no time," he pats my arm reassuringly. "And I feel great, thanks. I had an amazing Friday night, and it really set me up for the weekend. You know what I mean?" he says as he nudges me suggestively.

"Mmm. That sounds nice."

"Did you get up to anything nice after I left on Saturday morning?"

"Hugo! You swore you wouldn't mention us to anyone else," I whisper urgently, glancing around to the open kitchen door to see if anyone has overheard us.

"Calm down, I swear I haven't told a soul about us. There's no one else in yet anyway."

"And why are you in any way? I thought you only worked in our office during afternoons?"

"Yeah that's the plan, but I've booked annual leave from Wednesday to Friday, so I'm just doing one day here and one day over in west London. Makes things easier for this week."

"Well, I'll catch you later."

I force a smile and stroll back to my desk so I can wake myself up in peace.

***

If I had a guide dog, I'd imagine it would be a similar feeling to what I'm experiencing with Hugo today. Everytime I get up to make a drink, to go to the toilet, to get lunch, to breathe, he's there. I can't escape him and his sickeningly enthusiastic mood.

I'm choosing a drink from the vending machine in the corridor when he comes to ambush me for the umpteenth time.

"What are you up to?"

"What does it look like I'm up to?" I reply deadpan.

"Fair point," he laughs. "Listen, I've been thinking. Seeing as I'm not going to be in east London for the rest of the week, do you fancy setting up a meeting sometime this week?"

"A meeting for what?"

A mild panic comes over me, wondering if there's some other email in my inbox that I have somehow misplaced, and Jacko will have another excuse to talk my ear off.

"So we can meet up, just the two of us. And away from this place, so no one will ever know about us," he winks.

"You mean, like a date?"

"If that's what you want to call it. Although we're probably a bit past that stage seeing as we've slept with each other twice already, and we see each other all the time at work anyway."

The vending machine drops my drink and I slowly bend down to pick it up, deliberately stalling for time.

"Hugo, you're great fun and we had a great time together last Friday, and the night we spent together in December. But I'm not interested in going on a date with you."

"Why not? You just said yourself we had a great time together. Let's do it again, only this time I'll take you somewhere special and we'll make a proper night of it. Where do you fancy going? A restaurant, or do you prefer do an activity like- "

"No, Hugo. I don't want to go on a date with you."

"Why not...?"

"Because..." I exhale exasperatingly.

A bemused look comes over his face.

"I don't get it...Is it because you'd rather we get to know each other first before we start officially dating? Because we can if that's what you want. I don't mind at all. Or is it-"

"Because I'm just not into you, ok? You're not my type and you never will be. It was just sex to me."

His face drops like I've just shot him in the heart.

"Oh, I see," he stammers as his hand goes up to tussle with his hair. "Well, erm, thanks for clearing that up...I just thought that...well that...I'll just leave you to it, then."

The humming of the vending machine fridge is the only noise to be heard for miles around us.

"Hugo, I'm sorry. I-"

"It's fine," he mumbles with a half-hearted smile, before he stomps off down the corridor, leaving me to mull over whether I could have worded that better than I did.

***

There's no neutral direction for me to face from my desk.

Immediately in front of me is Susan's desk, now being occupied by Hugo, further to the left is Chantelle's corner desk, and on the right corner of the room is Jacko's box office with his little window screen that he uses to watch over us.

Hugo's barely given me any eye contact since our last conversation, and I doubt that he'll try and follow me around like a guide dog anymore. A twinge of regret fills me at how I might have ruined the closest thing that has come to friendship ever since I moved to London.

Apart from letting slip to Chantelle about our one night stand, he's shown me nothing but kindness, and even though his eagerness to chat nonsense and frequent sarcastic comments grinds my gears, they're just part of who he is. It doesn't make him a bad person.

But then again, I couldn't have gone on leading him on and making him think there was a chance for us to become something more than just a casual fling. That would have been worse than letting him down now, because it only would have hurt his feelings more if he'd gone on to think there was a potential for a relationship between us.

I've done the best thing, and it's what I would have wanted if the shoe was on the other foot.

As my mum would say, there's nothing worse than someone being nice to you out of pity.

***

I've just had my daily meeting with Jacko, and it didn't go as bad as I thought it would. It's probably because he was too busy to actually look at the in-depth figures I presented to him, despite me having taken fifteen minutes out of my day to compile them, just in case he wanted to reprimand me for not being able to keep track of my own work again.

Even so, I still walk out of his office in a glum mood. And when I walk outside it's raining buckets again, just like it was on Friday evening.

Except this time, I know I won't be getting a lift from Hugo.

I open out my umbrella and begin my glum commute home in the pouring rain.