The Nightmare Daze

31. Crossroads

Hello loves! I'm still working on this story, but I just can't post consistently right now. So I'm resuming updates, but just not weekly ones! Thanks for understanding <3

Enjoy the chapter...

XX

Hope is its own monster.

Yielding to Levi was always inevitable; from the first time he had me I had no choice but to give in. There was never anything to do but yield. And maybe now it isn't just my body, maybe my mind is softening to him too. Because trying to hold out on my own is impossible, and it's killing me.

So maybe I've come to appreciate his moments of softness, maybe I've come to understand how intimacy freely given is its own shelter when no other exists. I want to be strong, I want to survive. But god am I tired, and god how much easier it is to mold myself to Levi rather than shatter beneath him.

I had started to understand what life might be like in his possession. And now...

When I close my eyes, I can see her handwriting still, along with that terrible promise. I'm going to get you out of here. I want to hear her say it, desperately. And at the same time I wish I'd never seen those words.

What can she do to get me out of here? It's a lovely thing to fantasize of escape, but the reality of it is that she is one mouse in a den of cats. If she tries to free me she'll be eaten alive. Whatever reasons keep her here should be strong enough to deter her from trying to free me—and what of trying to free herself?

But she walks around without an escort. She has the freedom to taunt Benjamin, to refuse Elijah. She has access to Elijah's study—access to Elijah. Maybe she really could find a way to free me. Or maybe this is part of an elaborate ruse, a trick played out at my expense.

Even if she helped me escape, would I truly leave here knowing what I left behind? If I managed to find safety, it would only give these men time to hide the human chattel that Elijah has locked away.

I don't know how long I've been staring at the book in my lap without actually reading the words on the page. It's hard to latch onto their meaning when my mind is spinning, dancing around the notion of escape like a hot stove. Sometimes I reach for it, trying to imagine what it would be like to fold into my father's arms, but I can't bring myself to picture it. What would I say to him of this hell? What place would society keep for me anymore?

I shredded Isabel's note and ate each of the pieces so that it will never be traced back to her, but still I fear that Levi can somehow see the reflection of it in my eyes when he leans in close. Levi. He's the only protection I have from Elijah's men, and my compliance is critical to keeping them at bay. If I tried to escape, they'd kill me. Or perhaps Levi would do it himself. And I can't bear to think of what would become of Isabel.

My already racing heart seems to sputter at the sound of a key scraping into the lock. I recognize the callous way Levi handles the lock, but I can only pray that Isabel is with him. I want to meet her eye and see just how much she meant what she wrote. But Levi enters the room alone, a weathered edge to his movements when he closes the door.

"What's that look for?" His voice is tired, a little sharp. It lets me know that he will be quick to notice any misstep on my part. And already he can sense that I was looking for someone else.

"You're back early."

He's kicking off his boots, leaning back against his desk, and his eyes dart quickly up to me. "The day's been long enough." I know him well enough to understand that he's keeping the truth from me, but why he'd bother to do that I'm not sure. "What are you reading?"