Bullets & Rainbows

Chapter 30: Back Door

Jaxon's POV

"Jax, tama na yan."

I heard Darren speak from a distance as I fire my gun at a practice target. I felt my sweat dripping all over my body.

"Jaxon", I heard him call me again. "It's 11 pm, the rain stopped. Go home"

I ran to another moving practice target and fired the gun. I front flipped to the next moving practice target and fired the gun from both of my hands.

I then felt Darren holding me back, "D, please, let me go"

"Jax, tama na."

"D, please, just let me be!"

"Jax, Look at yourself!"

I stopped when he shouted, I looked down to my feet, and there I felt my body exhausted and drained from all the movement.

I catched my breath, "J-Just one more round—"

"No, I'm taking the stand and I say no! Pinapagod mo lang sarili mo when you're hurt, and I know damn well you're hurting but please stop!", he said and took the guns away from me. He held both of my shoulders to face him.

My eyes were fixed at the floor, I felt my guts about to throw up, I feel so drained that my eyes starts to water. I felt the heaviness of my chest get to me and the painful scenarios that happened earlier made a flashback.

"Have you hurt someone before?" Strike one.

I could only be honest to her, so I said yes. Because I have, I'm not going to hide it or deny it. She'll eventually find out the truth about me soon, might as well tell her little by little.

I looked at her and her eyes blinked a few times and I felt her hand slightly loosened from my hand. Strike two.

No, please.

"H-Have you ever k-killed someone?" Strike three.

She took a step back from me, and her hand loosened from the grip once again. Her hand feels lighter and lighter.

I felt the fear get to me, Natatakot na ba siya saakin? Am I scaring her? Does she think of me that way? Does she think I'm a bad person? Does she love me less? Strike four.

I would never want her to feel afraid of me. I'm not that kind of person.

Darren spoke from a distance and Calista's first reaction was to let go of my hand...Strike five.

I felt my emotions get the best of me and I turned my back from them trying my best to avoid tearing apart. I felt my eyes water, and when a teardrop betrayed me,  I started to feel annoyed to myself for being this way.

"You could start telling her about yourself now. Eventually, she'll know. Whatever the result may be, kung tatanggapin ka niya o hindi, everything will be fine, Jax. Don't lie, let's stop pretending that we're not this kind of person for a living. Let's just hope she got a whole lot of love for you that it overcomes the fear.", Darren whispered and waved goodbye to us right after.

I felt my knees weaken, but I could only pretend to be tough. I let her follow me to the weapon storage and let her grab a weapon. Being as cold as I could be, being as arrogant as I could. I kept on ignoring her questions and it hurts me just as much.

Not looking at her made it hurt less, I couldn't take a single second to look at her.

Natatakot ako na baka makita ko sa mga mata niya yung ayaw na ayaw kong makita sakanya when she looks at me.